Love you, too

We experienced the most incredible moment yesterday.  For the first time, we were blessed with the opportunity to talk to you face-to-face over Skype!!  You are so beautiful, glowing with poise and kindness!!  God knew we all needed that moment, and I praise Him for it.  His glory shines even through these details--the tangled web He continues to weave and work through to take care of His orphans is truly amazing.  But what is most amazing to me, is how no amount of language barriers or poor internet connections got in the way of our communicating His "universal" language yesterday.  I was so worried that we hadn't said enough; that we had failed to express our desire for you to be ours so you could rest if even for a day knowing you were loved and that you will always have a family with us.  Then today, I received this message from you:

Люблю Вас

We love you, too, Lyuda <3 And we continue to feel so blessed to be a part of whatever He has planned for you, Sweet Daughter.  

He Will Bring The Victory

Panic.  That's what I'm feeling right now, honestly.  We reached this mountaintop high when finding out that you were officially available, only to plummet immediately into a valley of doubt and anxiety.  Dad just got word that our next step is the international home study that's going to cost us a large sum of money that we just don't have :( And, of course, the fee comes at a time when so many other things are due...and after we've committed to living within our means and avoiding debt.  Not to mention, I stink the biggest stink that ever stunk at organizing anything...so fundraising?!  It's been so overwhelming just scanning through all of the options and thinking about them!!!  Every single one of them sounds great in theory, until they require me asking people for money....  I'm completely ill-equipped. What is God thinking???

It's all certainly enough to get a family distracted.  I just love how the Holy Spirit continues to intervene, however, keeping our minds set on things above and not on the pressures and limitations of this world!! Check out this devotional He put in front of me today in response to these groans of my spirit--it was too cool:

"Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." -1 Co. 15:57

"O My child, have I ever failed you?  Have I ever turned My back on you or forsaken you?  Have I not been your refuge and your strong defense?  I have protected you and kept you in sickness and in health.  Yes, I am with you to help you now.  Fear not.  My purposes will be fulfilled in spite of your weaknesses, if in your need you rely on My strength.  My will shall be done regardless of the flaws in your life, if you count on the power of My righteousness.  I do not work only in cases where there are no obstacles; but I glory in overruling the prevailing circumstances, and I take pleasure in bringing victories to those places where no victory is anywhere in sight.  

Count on My coming.  Know that whenever faith brings Me on the scene, everything is changed.  Darkness is turned to light.  Grief is turned to joy.  Sickness to health.  Poverty to My sufficient supply.  Doubt to faith.  Anxiety to trust.

No negative force can occupy the same place as My Spirit.  When My Spirit comes in, all these things must go.  Yes, they shall go!

Ask for victory.  I will come and bring it.  Don't look for the victory--look for Me, and you will see the victory that I will bring with Me.  After I have come, you shall behold the miracles I will do." -Frances J. Roberts, Come Away My Beloved, p.56-57.

Bring us victory, Jesus!!!  I surrender my weaknesses to You and plead for Your strength.  We count on Your coming to rescue this sweet girl that longs for a home as much as our home longs for her. Sufficiently supply for our needs, that we might be used to turn some of her grief into joy.  Take my doubting and anxious thoughts captive and transform them into an unshakeable faith and trust in You.  I can't wait to behold the miracles You will do!!!!

His Hands

I thought I had experienced hopelessness…until I experienced hopelessness.  Months have gone by and we have gotten no further in the process of bringing you home.  Admittedly, up until last week I had been trying to consume myself with the here and now, too proud and too fearful to bring the reality of the situation before more of our church family :(  What if we'd been wrong in discerning God's will? What if this whole thing fell through?  Like the emotions that come with losing a pregnancy, we would be crushed trying to accept that we had lost you…that we had confused our heart's desire with His leading...much less having to face the disappointment on everyone else's faces when they asked about you.

Thankfully, an amazing friend pointed out that my actions were actually failing to believe in and trust God, and ultimately failing you.  I had been so wrong to keep the details close!  We finally poured our hearts out on a prayer card last Sunday, expressing honestly (and with more detail) our frustration with the system that seems almost to exploit your situation with greedy intent.  We asked our friends to pray alongside us, that the Lord trample the obstacles before us so we can finally bring you home.  A few days later, we sent off the new set of paperwork...once again requesting your availability and stating our intentions to adopt you.  My reservations revealed my lingering unbelief despite the Sunday attempt to act otherwise, but I have to mention that your dad's faith has been so surprisingly unwavering through all of this--he has refused to admit any defeat.  It's incredible.  His tenacity alone should have been a reminder to me that Jesus is pursuing you even more fiercely.  I've been so blind.  

Thursday we received another message from Kim.  A sweet family that's currently in the Ukraine, picking up the son they have adopted, met and fell in love with you and sought to adopt you as well!!  You are so loved, Luda! I can't wait to experience this commanding presence of yours in person!!  Unfortunately, they were unable to take you home as they had wished, but had discovered that you are now, in fact, available for adoption!!!  Finally!!  God truly trampled this obstacle, and He blessed us with, yet again, making it known at the perfect time.  Not only to renew my hope when I was just about out, but to bring hope to all of those who are praying with us.  He has shown me that no matter the state of our hands (tied or loosed), only His Hands matter…and you're in His <3  

He's taking care of you, precious daughter, even while and even if we can't.  It's bittersweet for me, that this family couldn't have rescued you…as I'd find comfort just knowing that you were happy and safe…. But I can't help but keep believing that God had to allow that opportunity to pass because you really do belong with us <3

The sweet family who swooped in and saved the day

A Drink in the Desert

We haven't heard from you in weeks, nor you from us.  Sadly, we're partly to blame as we've been so consumed with our lives here, with the people here, and our responsibilities here :(  In this "desert", part of me tries to question if this is really what God wants for all of us; or if it's just something we want so badly, that we're blinded from reality and seeing only what we want to the way we want to.  

I admittedly worry if it's the wisest choice for everyone involved, and if we can be what you deserve for us to be...especially during those days when I feel I'm failing the children I already have.  And when those concerns aren't consuming me, both Dad and I fear we'll be unable to get to you before it's too late, before the INS closes the door that once seemed wide open....

BUT then, I remember the miracles in every step thus far.  And that God isn't a vending machine or Santa Claus, existing to satisfy my needs or meet my goals!!  His Ultimate Goal is that all of His children would come to worship Him--everything else flows from that and toward it.  We want you to be ours, Luda, and we hope you want the same.  But He's been teaching me that regardless of our will, His will still be done.  And thank goodness, because His is always so much better than anything we could imagine or hope for (Ephesians 3:20)!!  

Whatever the final outcome of this process, you are already loved and will continue to be...and we all can trust that He'll reveal that to you in the way that will speak deepest to your heart.  

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You" (Isaiah 26:3). 

Thank You, Jesus <3

His Perfect Timing

Yay!! We got your papers back from the State Secretary's office yesterday, and "coincidentally", Angel's Haven just happens to be sending a package of inquiries to your orphanage...slated to be mailed this Friday!!!!  Yours will be in it!  As we keep discovering, and you'll soon come to know, the perfect timing of everything has been no coincidence at all.  He's making crooked paths straight in hot pursuit of you whom He adores :o)
   
"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Is. 45:2-3).

<3,
Mom

Prince Charming Lives

Read a message from your host mom, Kim, yesterday.... Had she and the family sought after their momentary desire, ignoring His lead, you would never have come to the States.  Had the host families before them not listened for and obeyed His call, you AND two others wouldn't have found their homes.  Had we carried on with the path of adoption we thought was best for our family, we would have missed out on the great blessing of you!!  Although we're all SO short of God's glory, it's ironic how often we think we know better than The Maker of us.  Everything leading to this moment has been so perfectly orchestrated; it's rendered me speechless.  All I've been able to do is gush to our friends and family about God's amazing love for you, that He would chase after you like He is.

This whole journey is teaching me so much, experiencing our Father in Heaven this way.  He's saved me from Hell, healed Isaac in my womb, swept in and redeemed our shattered marriage AND your grandparents', but only now...from the outside looking in...have I been able to recognize Jesus as this very real, very tenacious "Knight in Shining Armor".

We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment....He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he’s there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross. 
-Colossians 1:15-22 (The Message)

Love,
Mom

Your First American Family

I want to see you, too

This morning, I had several notifications from you on Facebook, including a message.  Picture after picture was "liked" by you...one you even commented on...it was as if you stayed up all night studying us.  I looked most forward to reading your message, but didn't want to expect too much--Google Translate has been pretty limiting to the depth of our communication thus far.  Me of little faith.  This was the simple words you wrote, none of which were lost in translation this time:

Привет) хочу Вас увидит поскорей)) 

Translation: Hello, I want to see you as quickly as possible.

You have no idea, girl.  Those few words caused me to pause and really soak in all that God is doing, even when we're not.  I've been praying for you for years.  And although the wait has seemed like forever, I can see now just how perfect His timing really is.  He knew you before you were ever born.

He knew you were ours.  He knew we were yours.

The intricate web He's woven to bring you home is nothing short of an awe-inspiring testament to what He can do with lives surrendered to His lead.  You, Sweet Daughter, are being passionately pursued not only by our family here on earth, but by your Father in Heaven.  He wants to give you a crown of beauty instead of ashes (Isaiah 61:3).  Take delight in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps. 37:4)--to be loved, cherished, supported...to finally be united with your family.  Hold tight...we're coming!!!

Love,
Your Hopeful-to-be Mom