Bittersweet

How quickly bitterness can enter the soul.  We got an opportunity to see you for the first time since you ran away this past January.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for God's perfect timing, as it came on the heels of church youth camp and some incredibly deep healing for Josh and I.  You were as beautiful as ever and surprisingly welcoming...to me and the boys anyway.  You let me hold on to you and hug you for quite some time and even allowed me to kiss your cheek (claiming you would have kissed mine if not for the red lipstick you wore).  You briefly updated me on all that was new in your self-made world: new jobs and plans to get your drivers license and soon a car, as if nothing ugly had ever happened between us.
My actions outwardly remained very calm but still happy to see you; inwardly, however, the perfect storm of emotions was definitely brewing.  I watched as you gave each of the boys a bracelet, quietly battling the desire to feel grateful for your thoughtfulness of them and for their mercy toward you as they received them so kindly, against the conflicting desire to scream, "Seriously?! Bracelets?!  Your crafted stories nearly threw their parents in jail and almost wrecked their lifelong sense of security.  How about an apology for threatening their whole world because you chose to spin a web of lies to catch solely what you wanted for a moment?"
I helped load the boxes of clothes and other items we had once provided you silently thanking the Lord for the opportunity to close this chapter on a better note than before in a way that honors His will, but also struggling with turning the other cheek.  Self-centered thoughts bombarded me: Shouldn't you have thought about all that you would lose before running away and brutally trampling on our hearts the way you did?  How come she gets to treat us like doormats and You, God, are asking us to keep still while she continues to?
We took this picture:

I was so happy to have one to keep...to prove that victory came on the other side of this mess...but I'm so irritated that I am the one so full of joy, so ecstatic to be reunited, and you look almost miserable.
Victory clearly has yet to come.
Later, after you had left and all was said and done, I received another message from you thanking me greatly for giving you everything.  That would have been an ok note to end on for now.  I could have swallowed the frustrations I had and chalked them up to nothing.  Yet, I sent you a sweet article the next day to encourage you.  No response. ...Until the third day when you eventually replied with, "Can I have my journal please?" And, "Please take it to the shelter. [Address]"

?!?!?!?!?!

Face palm.

When will you humble your heart, Loo?  When will you realize how blessed you are that the God of the Entire Universe loves you so much that He's forgiven you before you've even asked and has gone above and beyond placing a burden on the very hearts you've hurt to show you His Grace?  Instead, you continue on as though you had made some ultimate sacrifice...as though you had done us a favor. ?!  This isn't anything you're doing or that we're doing.  God is doing it all.  Forgive me if I'm writing too bluntly, Child, but I don't have it left in me to mince words anymore.  The stench of pride can't be sugarcoated.

I've been tempted to believe you won't possibly ever understand the magnitude of what you've done or how your actions have hurt genuine people...people beyond our family and likely throughout the entirety of your life...who purely sought to love you the best they knew how (even if it wasn't always the actual best--hindsight is 20/20).  And honestly...at the rate things are going for you (so well), you will never have reason to.

But God.

God continues to say differently.

"Think much of My servants of old.  How Abraham believed in the promise (when as yet he had no child) that in his seed all the nations of the earth should be blessed.  How Moses led the Children of Israel through the desert, sure that, at last, they would gain the Promised Land.  Down through the ages there have always been those who obeyed, not seeing but believing, and their Faith was rewarded.  So shall it be even with you." -God Calling App, July 30th, 2016

He won't allow me to give up.  He keeps reminding me that despite what I see, I can believe and trust that He still reigns.  There seems to be so much injustice in this situation, but we serve a just God (Ps. 25:8-14).  You seem to have completely deceived even yourself, but we serve a God that searches the heart and examines the mind (Jer. 17:10).  You have done everything possible to diminish our role in your life, Lucy, but He's not finished with us yet.  Our hands are tied, but our prayers are not.  We still stand firm as your family, committed to calling on the Lord to help us when we're not strong so that with Him we can fight against the large army of lies that hold you captive.  And He has been so faithful to remind us who and what we are fighting for.  We wage war against the enemy not for ourselves, not for our gain, not for our justice.  We cry out for God to have mercy on you, Sweet Girl.  This is a rescue mission not revenge.  It is God that you're toeing the line of abandoning...forget us!  You continue to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, but you've been placing yourself and your desires on the throne of your heart leaving no room for Him.  And we're hurting because you continue to choose your lies over His Truth.  "The LORD is with you when you are with Him.  If you will dedicate your lives to serving Him, He will accept you.  But if you abandon Him, He will abandon you" (2 Chron. 15:2).

I pray that Jesus gives you the strength to finally surrender all...to truly dedicate your life to serving Him, yourself, your feelings, and your desires completely aside.  I can't imagine how scary it will be for you to finally face all of the choices you've made for the last eighteen years in effort to look out for and protect only you.  I can't imagine how difficult it will be to transition from a life of doing this to one that looks out for and protects others before yourself for God's glory.  Your sacrifice really will be great then.  It really will be tough. "But you must remain strong and not become discouraged.  Your actions will be rewarded" (2 Chron. 15:7).  And the reward that awaits you is so sweet, Loo.  You have been given the beginnings of a very unique, very gripping testimony that will grab the attention of all who are privileged to hear it.  ...and guaranteed, that's without all of the fantastical junk you've been adding to it to exaggerate the actual truth....

I'll be praying always that it ends happily so you and all who hear it are eternally changed <3

Love you with His Love,
Mom

"Help us, LORD our God, because we are depending on You.  In Your Name, we go against this large crowd.  You are the LORD our God.  Don't let anyone successfully oppose You" (2 Chron. 14:11).

Once I Was Blind, Now I Can See

"'I abandoned you for one brief moment, but I will bring you back with unlimited compassion.  I hid my face from you for a moment in a burst of anger, but I will have compassion on you with everlasting kindness,' says the LORD your Defender."

 -Isaiah 54:7-8

Even though it would seem you have completely moved on, our Lord is still very actively using our time together to till the soil of my heart.  The lessons He's been teaching me as I sit at His Feet to heal from losing you have been the greatest blessing.  You are a great blessing, Loo.
I'm ashamed to write the truths Jesus has revealed to me.  It's as if He removed scales from my eyes revealing the deceitful depths of my heart, and it was anything but pretty.  As I read the verse in Isaiah (above), my thoughts took off...Are You talking about me, Lord? Did You abandon me for a moment in a burst of anger?  Why were You angry with me?...Almost immediately, a megaphone thought spoke over all of these...Is all of this for your glory, Heidi, or Mine?

.

..

...

Memories with you flooded me.  Writing back and forth with you over VK, raising money to bring you home, the hustle and bustle of flying to Ukraine so last minute, meeting you for the first time, hanging out at your orphanage, having dinner with you and your friends, holding your shaking hand in court, our first night together in the apartment, our train ride back to Kiev, the amazing welcome home from our friends, your food aversions, our open discussions about some deep issues, the meeting about our house rules that you absolutely hated, our trip to North Carolina to see Papa and Grammy...everything that seemed to spin out of control since that June and in between....  I've never doubted that your story is for God's glory.  But this time, the Holy Spirit allowed me to see it all from another perspective: yours.

I'm completely humbled.

Up until now, I couldn't understand you.  I couldn't understand why you couldn't understand me.  I was totally dumbfounded when you writhed out from under our protection, running away with no desire to ever come back.  Once I was blind, now I can see. Our way of life was so foreign to you...that I've always known.  And while there were behaviors and choices that needed to change for your own safety, our expectations of when and how that would happen were so unfair and completely unattainable for you in the short time we ignorantly anticipated.  You likely and understandably felt suffocated.  We were trying our best, I promise.  Our goal was freedom for you spiritually, but because we spent most of our energy making decisions in our flesh...from our very limited capacity to understand your unique situation...I'm guessing family felt more like prison.
I am so sorry, Lucy.
How frustrated God must have been with me!  Since the revelation of this other side of the story, Scripture after Scripture that He had poured out throughout the year with you (that I could never make sense of before) inundated me.  I've been pouring over my journals since and found all of it and more, confirming that I, indeed, completely muddled up His desire for our role in your life.  From our beginning in Ukraine, God was telling me to let go of my expectations and desire for a daughter...it was never about any of that.  He spoke to me plainly through His Word directing me that you needed a mentor, someone to come alongside you, to be your friend, to love you through the good times and the bad, and to seek Him to help guide you by standing next to you, not over you.  I didn't listen.  I regrettably chose my desire and expectations over His, and proceeded accordingly taking the advice of man on how best to parent you over the wisdom from God to walk with you and live out His grace upon grace.
At one point, Jesus had given me the story about the weeds in the wheat in Matthew 13:24-30.  We loved you no matter what...we still do, but we weren't allowing the "weeds" to grow with the "wheat".  Any time you lied or you stole or you looked at pornography or you inappropriately texted with boys or drew inappropriate pictures or took revealing pictures or Skyped with people we didn't know (and I'm still fairly confident that you didn't even know), it freaked me out!  The angry reactions you saw from me were 100% rooted in fear.  I was so afraid for you.  I wanted so badly for you to let go of this way of living that you grew accustomed to and embrace the new normal that God set out for you.  I still desire this for you, Sweet Girl, but I see now how our approach went all kinds of wrong.  With great shame I must also confess (brace yourself for the ugly heart part), I was so afraid for us...for our family's reputation.  My addiction to approval reared it's ugly head in the most tragic way.  I didn't want people looking at us and assuming that we were failing you and failing them, who invested so much money and time into bringing you to America, by seemingly ignoring and, hence, endorsing your choices.  Ugh.  How totally immature and arrogant of me!!!
And now I fear that in our fear, we pulled out the "wheat"(any good stuff you did receive...any experience you did have with Jesus) with the weeds.
You misread my heart for good reason.  My actions spoke louder than my words.  I was saying over and over with my mouth and my written words that you are not your past mistakes, but we were parenting you as though that's all you were.
That is not all that you are, Lucy...Luda....
You are a new creation. A citizen of Heaven.  An actual princess, heir of God. When you accepted Jesus and chose to follow Him, God wiped away all of the mess, all of the mistakes.  He drowns them in the depths of the sea, makes them totally disappear.  And although we mistakingly focused on all of that, please know that He doesn't.  He has only ever seen the beauty and the talent and the future when you're going to do amazing things for His Kingdom.

We intended well.  But we were ignorant.  I was ignorant.  And because of our disobedience combined, we're all missing out on entering the "Promised Land"...your new life...together.  That's a tough pill to swallow for me.  This is certainly nothing like the ending to our story that I had pictured.  But the Holy Spirit has given me a peace that surpasses all of the hurt and regret. I could drive myself insane with the "What ifs", the "Should have, Could have, Would haves", but what's done is done.  Praise God that He is sovereign and can make miracles from our mess.  He knows this story from it's beginning until it's end and is clearly using every bit of it.

If my heart wouldn't have broken over you, it would never have healed steps closer to His.  I am genuinely grateful for you in my life, Loo, and will always be.  I'll fervently pray that our mistakes haven't caused you to turn completely away from Jesus; that we didn't drive you deep into the very lifestyle that we initially desired to bring you out of.  And, instead, that He's used all of this to take center stage in your heart as well.
Maybe one day we will both be ready for and given the chance to ask for and receive forgiveness from the other, reconciling (at the very least) as friends with a crazy history.

Love you, Sister.

The answer to that loudspeaker question in my head: it's for Your glory, God...I surrender mine.

Be Brave

Isaiah 31GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

The Lord, Not the Egyptians, Will Protect His People from Assyria

    How horrible it will be for those
    who go to Egypt for help,
    who rely on horses,
    who depend on many chariots,
    who depend on very strong war horses.
        They don’t look to the Holy One of Israel.
        They don’t seek the Lord.
2             He is wise and can bring about disaster.
            He doesn’t take back his words.
            He rises against wicked people
                and against those who help troublemakers.
3 The Egyptians are humans, not gods.
    Their horses are flesh and blood, not spirit.
When the Lord uses his powerful hand,
    the one who gives help will stumble,
        and the one who receives help will fall.
            Both will die together.

4 This is what the Lord said to me:

A lion, even a young lion, growls over its prey
    when a crowd of shepherds is called to fight it.
        It isn’t frightened by their voices
            or disturbed by the noise they make.
So the Lord of Armies will come to fight for
    Mount Zion and its hill.
5 The Lord of Armies will defend Jerusalem like a hovering bird.
    He will defend it and rescue it.
    He will pass over it and protect it.
6 You people of Israel, return to the one
    whom you have so violently rebelled against.
7 When that day comes, all of you will reject
    the silver and gold idols
        that your sinful hands have made.
8 Then Assyrians will be killed with swords not made by human hands.
    Swords not made by human hands will destroy them.
They will flee from battle,
    and their young men will be made to do forced labor.
9 In terror they will run to their stronghold,[a]
    and their officers will be frightened at the sight of the battle flag.

The Lord declares this. His fire is in Zion and his furnace is in Jerusalem.

We have done so much wrong.  We have caused the other to hurt so deeply, however intentional or unintentionally.  Dad and I always considered your past wounds, but had no idea how to navigate them.  I took so much of your behavior towards me, in particular, too personally. Rather than faulting the patterns of the past you spent 16 years living and recognizing your rejection for what it really was (fear of getting too close to the one relationship you genuinely crave...a mother...), I focused my energy on the behavior itself and making sense of "why me".  And I kick myself as I replay hindsight and realize only now that you were mistaking my frustration as though I didn't really love you or desire a relationship with you.  This crushes me.

But perhaps the biggest mistake we have both made, Lucy, is that we've relied way too much on people and systems to defeat and redeem a situation that only God's Powerful Hand can.  And while these people and systems are still trying to help you, they will stumble.  They will come up short.  I pray without ceasing that you won't fall with them.

Whether you choose to return to our family or not, Sweet Girl, I plead for you to return to God.  He is the One you have offended. He is the One Who brought you out of Ukraine and gave you this new life that you walked away from because it was uncomfortable...because it challenged you to face all of the sore spots within you.  He is the One Who is trying to restore your broken heart...and only He can.  Having a mother and a father and people to call "family" are certainly important, but we are still just flesh and blood.  Seeking wise counsel from a trained professional certainly is helpful, but the counselor is still just flesh and blood.  The attention and affection from an attractive boy is a wonderful feeling, but he is still just flesh and blood.  Houses, cars, education, money, beauty...it's all a blessing to have, but it's just material and completely incapable of wholly distracting any of us from the aches in our souls.  

You can flit from family to family, place to place, in search of the right fit...but you would only be perpetuating the very cycle that you're longing to escape from.  You want a new life, I know.  You want a change, of course.  But clearly there hasn't been a lack of new doors or opportunities to change.  God has been so gracious in providing so much of this for you.  However, if you want to open a new door, to write a new chapter for your life, it is you that's in your way.  You will have to choose at some point to walk away from the old doors, the old ways that are easy, that are comfortable, that you continue to rely on and go back to.  If you continue to writhe under rules intended to protect you and fight for your freedom no matter the cost...you'll always feel unprotected.  If you continue to run from and betray people who prove that they're invested in you and care deeply for you simply because you are uncomfortable and afraid to get too invested yourself for fear of being rejected...you'll always end up alone and on your own.  If your focus remains on material wealth and beauty and status in this world, that's all you'll attain--and you'll always have that emptiness inside you that can't be fulfilled.  

Jesus has never left you, Loo.  He has always been present for every moment of your life "like a hovering bird".  He will defend you.  He will rescue you.  He will pass over us and protect us.  Be brave.  Return to Him and reject all of these other things and ways of operating that you have been looking to instead of Him to fill those empty places inside of you. He will guide you through the unknown.  He will help you through the discomfort and ease your fears along the way. 

And always remember: the enemy wants you stymied.  He wants you to believe that every situation is hopeless; that this is how your life will always be; that no one loves you; that you have to look out for yourself because no one else will.  Choose Jesus and His will and He'll show you what a load of lies those beliefs are--forget all of us trying to convince you.  He has a whole new world waiting for you, Child.  Please, in Jesus' Name, be brave.

I love you always,

Mom

        

Like Job

Ugh.  Ok.  So apparently I've been writing about mysteries I cannot even begin to understand.  The Book of Job has been the topic of discussion between God and I this week, and what another humbling lesson I've learned.  Praise Him that we haven't faced the amount of destruction and testing Job had to, but to a very small degree we still can relate to the anguish he felt.  Also, I (like Job) have spent so much time, energy, and breath trying to make sense of what's happened...trying to defend our good intentions and honest motives to everybody under the sun...trying to write and speak with wisdom and maintain our integrity.  And the poor Lord, I know, has been trying again and again to get it through my thick skull and make it crystal clear that I don't need to do anything, that I can't do anything, that He and He alone is in control of the situation.  But let's face it, girl: I didn't listen.  What child does that?!  Nope.  Rather, I, the "Almighty Heidi" (read sarcasm) have been looking for answers, making claims, and holding onto outcomes publicly and to myself that I've based on the God I've come to know in my totally limited understanding.

Then I boo-hoo when they don't come to fruition.

<face-palm>

I'm worn out because I'm wearing myself out!

Here's the reality.  I don't know everything. I wasn't there when God "laid the foundation of the earth"(Job 38:4).  I haven't "made a channel for the flooding rains" or connected "the chains of the constellation[s]" (38:25, 31).  I can't control lightning or the sea (38).  So, honestly.  Who am I "that belittles...advice [from the One Who does] with words that do not show any knowledge about it?" (38:2).  Who am I to ever find fault with the Almighty God, to argue with Him, or wish to correct Him (40:2)?  Like Job, "I'm so insignificant!!!"

And it's high time I "put my hand over my mouth" (40:4-5)
(That's obviously the godly way of saying, "SHUT UP").

The Book of Job has shown me so much:  1) That good or bad fortune in this world does not reflect our standing before God.  Before satan tested him, Job was a decent man who did all he humanly could to honor God's will for his life and he still lost everything as though he was the most wicked.  Like Job, I feel like we did all we could and still lost everything with you.  Contrarily, pan to you who walked away from God's will and from us and, yet, you seem to be prospering.  I want to be angry, but I can't be.  Fact is, we have all fallen short of His glory (Rom. 3:23).  There is no one better or worse in His eyes, you nor me.  The rain falls and the sun shines on us all as He wills regardless of what we've done or haven't done.  That's what is so great about God!!  We all deserve death and hell and still, He grants us these tender mercies.  I will be praying, however, that you don't mistake your getting what you want as a thumbs up from God regarding the poor choices you've made.  I don't want you to suffer, Loo.  But if suffering now means you'll be spared for eternity, then I pray His hand will be removed from you just long enough that the eyes of your heart will be opened to the eternity He's been trying to give you.

2) Because His worldly blessings are not contingent on our standing, following God...striving to be obedient to His will...doesn't always guarantee honor, blessings, and/or riches here on earth.  As much as I want it sooner than later, I'm not guaranteed to witness the happily ever after I'm hoping for in this life.  When we accepted Jesus and chose to follow Him, we didn't do it for our gain but for His glory.  We do receive a life after this one without pain and full of joy, but Jesus does not equal the "Easy" button here.  I'm only seeing now, through this mess, that living future-tense requires the sacrifice of everything in this life to find our eternity with Him (Matt. 16:25).  No wonder the "road is narrow" (Matt. 7:13).  This following Jesus stuff ain't for the faint of heart. What we do now only matters for...FOREVER...eek.

Lucy.  Our God is a Redeemer.  He is Mighty to save.  For this reason, I will always hope for the best.  But to totally surrender to His will,  I must finally resign my own.  I have to loosely hold out my hopes and dreams for you and us and accept however this story goes.  It's His.  You're His.  I'm letting go.  For reals this time.  My character, my reputation, my everything on this earth may end up being completely crucified.  But I'm not storing up treasures here and now where moths and rust can destroy them anyway...I need to be seeking rewards in Heaven that can be reaped FoReVeR (Matt. 6:19-21).  That's my choice.  However the here and now turns out.  And I will never cease praying that you'll be there reaping them with me <3

Hoping our story ends as well as Job's eventually did, but am finally ok if it doesn't.
Love you, Sweet Girl.
Mom

Signed and Sealed...Waiting for Delivery

My head has chosen long ago to forgive you, but my heart is clearly still catching up.  Any time I make progress or a declaration of faith...BAM.  Something new happens that threatens my breakthrough.  I can almost hear a teacher making the announcement in my thoughts, "This week, class, we'll be focusing on coping with your addiction to approval...
...via the brutal slaying of your reputation and character."
A friend of ours shared with me the latest of Rose Family rumors that was rashly shared with her by a shelter volunteer that works directly with you (small towns).  Apparently, you were adopted and horribly mistreated by your family (aka. us)...the details too personal to share, but your story is "such a sad and unfortunate one".

Come. On. Lucy.

Really?!

Aside from the frustration I feel towards the shelter, still buying what you're selling (and now selling what you're selling) regardless of all of the back history about you and us that we openly shared from the beginning of our journey until now...and the "All-Clear" we received from the Police, CPS, and the Department of Homeland Security for crying out loud...I have never been so offended in my life.  Our family isn't perfect.  We made and continue to make mistakes that we regret.  We're human.  I did lose my temper with you.  Dad maybe did go a bit overboard on rules to protect you.  We certainly weren't experts on the ins and outs of international adoptions, or teenagers for that matter, and definitely could have sought out more information and support.  But the moment we met you, Lucy, you were immediately sealed as 100% daughter in our hearts and minds.  We did nothing but love you the best way we knew how.  Yet, you remain bent on making us out to be monsters....  It's like ripping our hearts out of our chests wasn't enough...you need to stomp on them now, too.

It has been the most difficult to bite my tongue.  I want nothing more than to defend our honor, to continue to prove again and again the purity of our motives.  I want those working with you to see the whole picture and not just for our benefit, but for yours!  There are so many holes in your story as is...you no doubt need help coping with something.  Genuine healing will just continue to be delayed because of all of the smoke and mirrors you've learned to hide behind!  And I am so over-the-top dismayed that you've now twisted our story together into just another stumbling block!  God delivered you in the most miraculous way from a life that was without much hope at all, and rather than running with that beginning into a happily ever after...you have chosen to throw it all away and start anew...in one of the most hopeless places here...??!
It's no wonder people question our integrity.
I'd question it, too!
It's almost easier for us to believe that we were awful than to accept that you would be so foolish!!

Ugh. I just want to be free of this insanity.

But regardless of what you think, what they think, what we think...we have to hold on to the fact that God knows it all.  Only He's been present every minute.  Only He saw every wound you actually took and every wound you've given.  He can even see past the red we're struggling to, past the frustration, past the resentment, and into the reality buried beneath it all that Dad and I ultimately still want healing for you, Child.
I am tired.  I am downright worn out thinking about it all.  I do wish some days that we could go back to B.L. on our timeline.  But tough ta-hoots for me.  Just as though you were biologically ours, I accept that we will never be free of the responsibility God has given us to love you and to pray for you no matter the circumstances.  That's a miracle in itself, really--that God has imprinted you on our hearts this way, painful as it is right now.

It's solely HIS responsibility to deliver you, however, and He has already planned exactly how.  For this reason, I will press on with praise, surrendered and grateful yet again.  He will reveal the truth in His Perfect Timing and restore your broken heart.  ...And our reputation.
Again for this lesson: I just need to let go and let God.  I need to BELIEVE.

Faith as small as a mustard seed...that's all I've got left...

and that's all it takes according to Jesus <3

Cheers to Striving for an Ephesians 4 Life

Who Holds Tomorrow

No Dark Days

"Such light, such joy flows out from this house. It affects all who come here.  Do not feel that you have to try and help them. Just love them, welcome them, shower little courtesies and love-signs on them, and they must be helped.

Love is God. Give them Love, and you give them God. Then leave Him to do His Work. Love all, even the beggars. Send no one away without a word of cheer, a feeling that you care. I may have put the impulse to come here into some despairing one's heart. Think if you failed Me! Besides, you have no choice. You told Me it was My Home. I shall use it. Remember this. There would be no dark winter days were Love in the hearts of all My children.

Oh! My children, can you not feel the joy of knowing, loving, and companying with Me?"

"Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." Roman 13:10

From 365 One-Minute Meditations: God Calling edited by A.J. Russell. ©2008 by John Hunt Publishing Ltd., New Alresford, Hants, UK. All rights reserved. No part may be reproduced without written permission from John Hunt Publishing Ltd, The Bothy, Deershot Lodge, Park Lane, Ropley, Hampshire, SO24 0BE, UK. Sent from the God Calling Devotional. For devotionals like this one for your iPhone, visit us at 43rdElement.com

     The day you left, Dad and I had made an offer on a new home.  It was baffling to us then...the awful timing of it all...but now it makes complete sense.  We needed a fresh start and God went before us yet again.  This sweet spot deep in the country has been the sanctuary we've needed.  The beauty, the solitude has initiated our hearts' rest...our hearts' healing.  

I can't lie to you.  At this moment...right now...I want nothing more than to protect our new place.  I'm even hesitant to share our whereabouts, not because I don't want you to come back to us but because I don't want the spiritual warfare that came with you before to violate the sense of peace and security that's been restored here.  Yet, despite all of my fears and concerns, God is clearly calling me to acknowledge that this home and our current state of being isn't ours to control, to share, or not to share.  We belong to Him, and all that we have belongs to Him.  We surrendered all: our family, our home, and even our well-being...and now we're being asked again and again to put our money where our mouth is...to practice the faith we preach. 

     As I've said and written before, you are not our enemy, Sweet Girl, and we aren't yours. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, ...the authorities,...the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph.6:12).  Your actions have undeniably wounded each of us, but by the power of Christ we're still standing firm and holding fast to God's Promises.  We will continue to reach out to you, to "shower little courtesies and love-signs" on you when and however we can to give you His Love that knows no limit.  And should He choose to use this home...should His Holy Spirit put "the impulse to come here into [your] despairing heart"...we trust He'll also fill us with the impulse to receive you with open arms...just as He would.  In the suffering, we won't stop choosing to love you, Lucy.... 

With a love like His.

Mom

I don't know about tomorrow

I just live for day to day

I don't borrow from the sunshine

For it's skies may turn to gray

I don't worry o'er the future

For I know what Jesus said

And today I'll walk beside Him

For He knows what lies ahead

Many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand

Every step is getting brighter

As the golden stairs I climb

Every burden's getting lighter

Every cloud is silver lined

There the sun is always shining

There no tear will dim the eye

At the ending of the rainbow

Where the mountains touch the sky

Many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand

-Alison Krauss, I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

One Door Closes...

April 8, 2016

Altered Plans

Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, "Get away from here and turn eastward, and hide by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan. And it will be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there."
—1 Kings 17:2-4

"After a significant moment of delivering his message to King Ahab of an impending drought in the land, Elijah could have said, 'Lord, let's get this thing going. Let's have the face-off with the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel. Let's go for it.'

But there was an interesting twist to the story. Loosely paraphrased, God said, 'I have a different plan in mind for you, Elijah. I want you to disappear from the scene for a while. In fact, I want you to go over to this little brook called Cherith and just hang out there.'

So Elijah, a man of faith and obedience, went to a place of total obscurity. It doesn't make sense, yet it makes total sense. Sometimes God will use us, and then He will say, 'Now I have to work on you for a while. You are not ready for what I have for you next. I've got to whip you into shape a little more.' That is what He was doing with Elijah.

Maybe something like that has happened to you recently. Maybe there were cutbacks at work, and you were let go. Maybe you had a ministry that was flourishing, and suddenly it is not flourishing like it once did. Perhaps sickness has altered your plans. You've had to make changes, and it seems like the end. You don't get it. But maybe it isn't the end at all. Maybe it is a new beginning.

God may have closed a door for you because He has another door ready to open at any time. Here's what you need to do: Just wait on the Lord and be faithful to Him. Everything we go through in life is preparation for something else. Know that God is preparing you for something in your future.'

—Greg Laurie