Where do I even begin? Where do I even begin to begin? This is going to be long... 17 years ago, marriage wasn't even something I would have considered. But then I connected with the girl who would be instrumental in making me who I am today. 12 years ago, I would never have considered having children. But then two boys arrived on the scene that would (eventually) forever change my outlook on life. Three years ago, adopting would never have been something I would have considered. Sure, I appeased your mom and entertained her crazy notions of fostering. But fostering wasn't permanent, right? Eventually the kids would go back to their parents or wherever it was they came from. AND, the state would pay us for it! As for the little coincidental hints that I saw around from time to time about fostering and adopting, they were just that: coincidences. But then, in the midst of interviews and online certification, something strange happened: I began to feel like I should care for the fatherless. What had your mom's prayers done?! What were these feelings that were beginning to stir within my heart? "Fine," I said, "I'll pray (for real this time) about it." And boy, did I. I prayed that God would change her heart, and take away this bizarre desire to raise someone else's troubled kids. I prayed that she would be content with our family the way it was. But I guess she had the direct line, because instead of all that happening, my heart began to change. I started to really feel for the children who never had a dad to throw a ball back and forth or sit and and ponder childish things with; those boys who don't have solid, fatherly advice to listen to (or rebel from, as I did); those girls who don't have the example in their lives of how a man should treat them. Against all of the instincts and feelings (read: walls) I had perviously built, I agreed to take another's child into our home and be an influence that would hopefully stick with them for the rest of their lives. But I still had reservations: your mom wanted a baby, and I really didn't want to change diapers again. This time, I had the direct line: we got the call about adopting an older child from Ukraine. Ukraine - where did that come from? By this time I had learned better than to pray against your mom, so I simply prayed that His will would be made clear, and that I would be able to accept whatever He had in store for us. Then we read your bio online, and the statistics of what happens to children your age once they leave the orphanages. Your mom and I knew instantly that this was what God had called us to do. Sending money once a month to some organization that provides things wasn't going to cut it. He was preparing my heart to receive a daughter!
I felt so confident that I had heard from God, and the amazing thing was that I was 100% on board. I didn't have the reservations that I would have had just months prior. Your age didn't bother me. Your language didn't bother me. Your gender didn't bother me. I knew without a doubt that my daughter was in Ukraine, just waiting for us. And I had to do everything I could, as fast as I could, to bring you home. And so began the year-long paperwork process. I am convinced the Enemy had plans to divert us from this path; to throw obstacle after obstacle in our way and have us give up in frustration. After all, how would the military even permit me to travel to a former Soviet-bloc nation for over a month? How would we raise the thirty-thousand dollars to cover the expense? How would this be at all possible? But we put one foot in front of the other in faith, and our Lord never stopped speaking to us, right when we needed to hear it. When paperwork was delayed, He said "persevere" (He literally said it, though both your mom's and my quiet times the next morning). When Russia annexed Crimea and portions of eastern Ukraine, He moved the hearts of men so that my command had no objections to my traveling. When we said we have no more funds, He said, "I will provide." And when we were told to wait, He moved things in just the right order and at just the right time, to grow us both closer to Him and closer to each other. Then we got the call that our appointment with the Ukrainian State Department of Adoption and Children's Rights (SDA) was made, and the REAL miracles became apparent.
The week before we left for Ukraine was the most stressful week I've ever lived through. It tops the birth of Josh by a long shot. At least with that, I felt like I had a measure of control, however small it was. After all, it was me driving to the emergency room with our expertly-packed overnight bag. And, I even paid attention to those breathing exercises- what was that called, again? That week also tops the C-section that bore Isaac. Scheduled weeks in advance so that the doc wouldn't miss any important golf dates no doubt, that was something that was absolutely under control (!). But to receive an email on a holiday Monday saying nonchalantly that we had our SDA appointment nine days later? I am sure I ran around the house in circles for at least three hours that day. And yet during those nine days, God's hand was so apparent in every single facet. The church, along with numerous generous donations, ensured we had funding to pay for the rest of the process. My command approved an absurd amount of leave days for me to travel to a country in crisis. Down to every last gift for the orphanage employees, to every prayer warrior that is bringing us before God, He is moving His heavenly chess pieces to complete a move that is far beyond human comprehension. I am overwhelmed with emotion as I think of all the hurdles that have been not only jumped over, but completely thrown aside. And after a year of repeated paperwork and frustration, of waiting and dreaming, of internet-only communication and google (mis)translate, here we are!
Seeing you in person yesterday was amazing. There you were, the daughter God hand-picked for us. The girl that undoubtedly has known so much loss and emptiness is now about to be ours to care for and teach. The older and younger sister to our boys that will be able to teach and learn and laugh (and fight) with them. God has deemed us worthy to entrust you to our care. Is He sure about this?? Will I be able to demonstrate how a gentleman should treat you? Will I be able to instill in you everything you've missed in the time that you weren't with us? Will I be able to protect you from the world? The answer to all these questions is "NO!" I can't do that all for you any more than I can teach your brothers to be gentlemen, or instill in them anything sound! Not by myself, anyway. But I trust that God is faithful to carry out the plans He set in motion. I trust that He will guide me in the terrifying truth that I have a teenaged daughter. He has shown Himself to me in so many ways the last few months, and I am grateful. I am awed at how my heart has changed from even one year ago. I am on my way to truly becoming His servant, and it isn't bondage. It is freedom! I am so excited to see what He has in store for us, and that "us" includes you! I look forward to every moment we all share together: Mom and I, brothers and sister, Mom and daughter, and especially father and daughter. Welcome to the family, Lucy Elizabeth. I love you!
