Today marks 14 years since your dad and I said, "We do"!! There is no better time to share our humble beginnings with you...to remember, reflect upon, and honor the powerful Arm of God. Like He delivered the Israelites from Egypt, Sweet Girl, He delivered our marriage from imminent destruction and is bringing us into our "Promised Land" of sorts.
Our relationship began as a rebound (for both of us) and quickly snowballed into something clearly out of even our control. We were young...VERY young...and (we thought) in love. After just three months of weekends-only whirlwind dating (Dad was stationed in California at the time), he unromantically threw a holey shirt at my head while rummaging nervously through his backpack, eventually procuring a beautiful ring and proposing to me. The stuff all good fairytales are made of.
Looking back now, I think we were in love with the idea of escape. He from the barracks, me from the breakdown of my once ideal nuclear family. Either way, we rushed everything. Not even a full year later, we spontaneously talked ourselves into eloping through a local drive-thru wedding chapel: Viva Las Vegas.
Yes.
Our holy matrimony was officiated in my teal Pontiac Sunfire convertible under a canopy of obnoxious cherubim claiming our marriage "was made under Heaven".
Ironically, I can now confirm that although it certainly doesn't sound like it (or even seem like it at the time), God was present that night. Our marriage was made under Heaven, whether we recognized it or not.
The house we built on sand immediately started sinking. We fought like children. He did not like his privacy infringed upon and I didn't like being left alone. He was fiercely independent and I was equally insecure and needy. Our paradigm threatened to implode for the first two years, but it wasn't until after the birth of Joshua and during my pregnancy with Isaac that it finally did. While away on an assignment, your dad found a new escape emotionally. I happened upon it six months later while paying our cellphone bill. Obviously, I was devastated...but I wasn't completely shocked. I had suspected this had/would happen so many times before...we were such a mess.
Biblically, I was released from my commitment to him. Rationally, I should walk away. Emotionally, I wanted to. He wasn't due to come home until another week or so, giving me time to digest what had happened and to devise an exit plan.
God had a different plan for that time, however.
One night, while laying wide awake in bed, He made it perfectly clear to me through His Word that I needed to stay. I needed to recognize my own wicked heart and forgive your dad for his the way Jesus had forgiven me.
Bleh.
That's all I could think when I considered obeying. It wasn't fair...he didn't deserve it (either did you, Heidi). I have been such a good wife; I don't deserve this (pride comes before a fall, Heidi...no one is righteous, not even one...you deserve death and hell but I have given you life so you would live it for My glory).
Ugh. There is no fighting with God. It's a losing battle. He always wins. Thank God ;)
With every fiber of my being dying to the thought, His Holy Spirit filled the huge vacancy in my broken heart and literally led me into a much deeper, unconditional love for your dad. A love like His. In the moment when I assumed I'd want to toss his clothes and belongings on the front lawn, I wanted to find a babysitter and prepare a romantic dinner on our patio to welcome him home. And the moment he arrived, when I assumed he was done with me, he actually wanted to be welcomed...his heart was wide open to mine!! It truly felt like some sort of weird out-of-body experience. It wasn't us, but it was us. I hated him, but I couldn't wait to love him through this. He was over me, but he couldn't wait to work with me. For the first time ever, I was experiencing God's Word...His Promises...not just reading about them. It was incredible.
Five more years of rocking and rolling continued until we both finally found our groove in Him. After experiencing God's Mercy, Dad grew closer and closer to Him and more and more into a man after God's own heart. After witnessing the complete transformation in your dad, I grew more and more confident in my belief that God does what He says He can...a lesson He continues to review in my own heart. Sure...I have always wanted to adopt, but it wasn't until your dad felt prompted to love the fatherless that we began praying as a family for you. He is the man of my dreams. Truly. Selfless, gentle, loving, generous, hilarious.... I will never be able to thank God enough for bringing us through that fire; for refining our hearts the way He did.
Now, here we are...celebrating FOURTEEN years together...on a mission for Him to deliver you...together...in Ukraine!! He has begun writing yet another chapter. This time, Dad and I are one, already navigating the ups and downs of raising a teenager. I have to confess, the last week or so hasn't been all flowers and rainbows. In fact, just days ago I could completely relate to Moses in Numbers 11:11-15, asking the Lord, "why have You brought me this trouble? ...I can't take care of all [this] by myself. This is too much work for me!" But just like He answered Moses (and me once before so many years ago), He clearly answered me again: "You won't have to take care of [this] alone...Is there a limit to the Lord's power? Now you will see whether or not My words come true" (v.17, 23).
No, Lord. There is no limit to Your Power. Or Your Love.
And with You, there will be no limit to ours. Thank you!!
Love you, Lucy...ALWAYS.
(Happy Anniversary, Handsome!!! <3)
