Before arriving in Ukraine, Dad and I heeded the warnings of many and talked A LOT about the challenges we might face raising a teenager. We played out different scenarios from our own childhood and formed strategic plans of action in case they became a reality with you. We surmised what your own struggles could be based on the conversations we've had with you throughout the past year, and I prayed diligently over them. We discussed age-appropriate expectations and rules that we should set in place for you in the home.
Yes. We knew we needed to be prepared for war. But we failed to recognize that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph. 6:10-18).
All the temporal plans in the world could not have prepared us for the reality we are now facing.
You are, indeed, an intelligent, independent, and strong young woman. And, here in your country, much more street-wise than both your father or I by far. In equal amounts that you are mature, you are still very immature, however. Like a typical teenager, you have little tolerance for any way that isn't yours, you feel you know more about life than you really do, and you appreciate a good challenge to authority. Learning all of this about you has really opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself--about the unrealistic and unfair expectations I placed on you before ever meeting you--about the idols of respect and appreciation that control my heart as a parent--about the flesh-filled, conditional way that I love.
In equal amounts that I am mature, I, too, am immature.
I have to make an ugly confession: there have already been a few nights here that I've wept on Dad's shoulder, feeling like you will never like or even respect me. You are so poised, so reserved, and so concerned with your appearance in public. I am everything BUT that...and (at times) an obvious embarrassment to you. You poor girl. I have questioned whether or not God really made the best choice, choosing me to be your mother when I'm plainly still such a child myself. I've wondered if we will ever be able to form that mother/daughter bond I know we're both craving. Then He reminded me:
"It is so easy to lose sight of the fact that these are God's children. They do not belong to us. They are not given to bring us glory, but him. Our teenagers are from him, they exist through him, and the glory of their lives points to him. We are but agents to accomplish his plan. We are but instruments in his hands. ...The ultimate rejection that should make us weep is not they have rejected us, but him" (Paul Tripp, Age of Opportunity, p.35).
The enemy would love nothing more than to tear our family apart before we even get started. Yes, enemy...I am a mess. Dad is a mess. Lucy is a mess. But it doesn't matter what we are, but Who He is! "We are but instruments in his hands" to bring HIM glory.
From the beginning, God made it perfectly clear that this mission had nothing to do with me. But only now is it really sinking in that this has nothing to do with me gaining a daughter, or me raising a lady (although these things have/will happen). This has always been, and is still about God pursuing you, Sweet girl. I shouldn't be weeping that you may or may not reject me.... Right now, Dad and I are merely agents He is currently using to accomplish His plans for you. Plans for you to accept and live for Him. Plans that won't fail if His Holy Spirit is at the helm.
HENCE, it's perfectly clear to us now that successfully raising teenagers has little to do with the parents and their masterful planning, and EVERYTHING to do with their daily surrendering.
I pray every day that we stay out of His Way. <3
<3 I love you, Lucy <3 ...No unfair/unrealistic strings attached.
-Mom
