It's been one week. And in this one week, we discovered more lies, confronted you about them, watched you run to your friend's apartment on "Find my iPhone", only to anger you more when we called said friend and asked her to be the adult and send you home. Rather than taking her advice, you ran somewhere else...to someone else...where you spread more lies, slandering our family's name, alleging hurtful things about us: the very people who have done nothing but obediently love you no matter what...who are willing to fight alongside you through thick and thin...if you would. Instead, you run. And you keep running. And now you've gone so far that police and CPS are involved, hiding you in a "safe facility" and investigating our family to ensure we're not physically abusive. ?!
I feel like we're in the Twilight Zone.
Two weeks ago, you and I were enjoying a road trip to San Antonio where we had a solid three hours of amazing conversations and two days full of hilarious moments. We talked about love interests and life and family and how you're adjusting and school and Ukraine, your past and your future. We went shopping and found some awesome deals on your favorite things: shoes. We ate hibachi-style at an upscale grill where you caught me on video getting smacked in the middle of my forehead with a chunk of chicken. There are more videos of us being silly in the movie theater parking lot and rocking out to "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift in the car on the way home. It was an unforgettable moment. We were just mother and daughter; not separated by 17 years that I'd missed, a culture I didn't understand, or a language barrier that confused things.
I can't begin to understand what is going on or what God is allowing and why. This is some of the deepest hurt and betrayal we've ever experienced. Several counselors and friends that have lived through it suggest it's the result of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)--just another name for the brokenness inside of you. It certainly seems an accurate diagnosis. But regardless of what your actions are classified as or how severe, where do we go from here? When all is said and done, can we ever get back to normal? Can we ever trust you? What happens when it's necessary to confront you again? Will you allege worse as you grow more and more familiar with the system?
Can we forgive you?
This is probably the most nagging question in our minds right now. Because of your actions (and the poor timing of them), we've missed out on celebrating Dad's retirement from the Marine Corps after years of serving our country; we've missed out on signing an approved offer on a house of our dreams after weeks of hunting; we've had to shake up your brothers' worlds, explaining to them what CPS is and that they'll have to be questioned about the safety of our home; we've had to watch their innocent illusions of earthly security already die as they realize their livelihood has been threatened because the sister they also chose to adopt and love has made ludicrous allegations without any grounds. Possibly the worst loss this week, was Dad's chance to hold his grandma's hand one more time or give her one more kiss before she passed away early this morning. He could have been on a plane days ago when she first collapsed, but because we were waiting on these investigations...on you to come around...he was too late. And all of this is just what we missed out on THIS week. Next week, we're supposed to celebrate 15 years of marriage on a surprise trip Dad romantically planned and already paid for. The week after that, Dad is scheduled to start his new job....if his security clearance isn't affected by the allegations. And, we have another home study around the corner to hopefully open our home to two more little girls, that they might avoid much of what you've had to endure moving from home-to-home...if we can still be considered amidst this mess.
There really is no consequence great enough to justify everything your selfish choices this time around have put us through.
But, there IS God:
"They flattered him with their mouths and lied to him with their tongues. Their hearts were not loyal to him. They were not faithful to his promise. But he is compassionate. He forgave their sin. He did not destroy them. He restrained his anger many times. He did not display all of his fury. He remembered that they were only flesh and blood.... How often they rebelled against him...! How often they caused him grief...! Again and again they tested God, and they pushed the Holy One of Israel to the limit. They did not remember his power--the day he freed them from their oppressor, when he performed his miraculous signs in Egypt, his wonders in the fields of Zoan." -Psalm 76:36-43
He's breaking all of our hearts in order to more completely restore them.
I feel like we're in the Twilight Zone.
Two weeks ago, you and I were enjoying a road trip to San Antonio where we had a solid three hours of amazing conversations and two days full of hilarious moments. We talked about love interests and life and family and how you're adjusting and school and Ukraine, your past and your future. We went shopping and found some awesome deals on your favorite things: shoes. We ate hibachi-style at an upscale grill where you caught me on video getting smacked in the middle of my forehead with a chunk of chicken. There are more videos of us being silly in the movie theater parking lot and rocking out to "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift in the car on the way home. It was an unforgettable moment. We were just mother and daughter; not separated by 17 years that I'd missed, a culture I didn't understand, or a language barrier that confused things.
I can't begin to understand what is going on or what God is allowing and why. This is some of the deepest hurt and betrayal we've ever experienced. Several counselors and friends that have lived through it suggest it's the result of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)--just another name for the brokenness inside of you. It certainly seems an accurate diagnosis. But regardless of what your actions are classified as or how severe, where do we go from here? When all is said and done, can we ever get back to normal? Can we ever trust you? What happens when it's necessary to confront you again? Will you allege worse as you grow more and more familiar with the system?
Can we forgive you?
This is probably the most nagging question in our minds right now. Because of your actions (and the poor timing of them), we've missed out on celebrating Dad's retirement from the Marine Corps after years of serving our country; we've missed out on signing an approved offer on a house of our dreams after weeks of hunting; we've had to shake up your brothers' worlds, explaining to them what CPS is and that they'll have to be questioned about the safety of our home; we've had to watch their innocent illusions of earthly security already die as they realize their livelihood has been threatened because the sister they also chose to adopt and love has made ludicrous allegations without any grounds. Possibly the worst loss this week, was Dad's chance to hold his grandma's hand one more time or give her one more kiss before she passed away early this morning. He could have been on a plane days ago when she first collapsed, but because we were waiting on these investigations...on you to come around...he was too late. And all of this is just what we missed out on THIS week. Next week, we're supposed to celebrate 15 years of marriage on a surprise trip Dad romantically planned and already paid for. The week after that, Dad is scheduled to start his new job....if his security clearance isn't affected by the allegations. And, we have another home study around the corner to hopefully open our home to two more little girls, that they might avoid much of what you've had to endure moving from home-to-home...if we can still be considered amidst this mess.
There really is no consequence great enough to justify everything your selfish choices this time around have put us through.
But, there IS God:
"They flattered him with their mouths and lied to him with their tongues. Their hearts were not loyal to him. They were not faithful to his promise. But he is compassionate. He forgave their sin. He did not destroy them. He restrained his anger many times. He did not display all of his fury. He remembered that they were only flesh and blood.... How often they rebelled against him...! How often they caused him grief...! Again and again they tested God, and they pushed the Holy One of Israel to the limit. They did not remember his power--the day he freed them from their oppressor, when he performed his miraculous signs in Egypt, his wonders in the fields of Zoan." -Psalm 76:36-43
His mercies never fail. Yes, we're in the middle of a blazing fire right now. Yes, it was ignited by you, whom we cherish. But we cannot forget His power. We cannot forget those days He freed us before--from the adoption falling through because of the war...from us being unable to travel last-minute when we only had 7 days to get Dad's travel approved and the military wanted 21...from the Visa being rejected because of an important, missing document...from a shortage of money to cover all of the fees...from being stuck in Ukraine after it all when all flights were cancelled. We cannot forget all of the miraculous signs and wonders He performed to bring you home or those since. Each day that has gone by since you left, He has carried us by way of the hundreds of prayers from His persistent prayer warriors and thoughtful expressions of love from His faithful servants. He shouts loudly from His Word, validating our pain and desire for justice and encouraging us to believe He'll do what He says He can. I keep replaying this mental image over and over in my mind where there is a raging storm all around but all I can see is Jesus' face, calm in expression, His hand extended to me as if to ask, "Will you still walk with me by faith despite the chaos that's in sight?"
I don't have the answers to all of our "What happens next" questions, Lucy, but I do know the answer to one of them: we can forgive you. And we will. Not because you deserve it, but because we don't either. We serve a God Who shows us compassion and forgiveness over and over again; Who restrains His anger many times and doesn't display all of His fury despite how often we rebel or how much grief we cause Him. It's everything to remember that you, just like us, are only flesh and blood. You have undoubtedly pushed us to our limit, but praise God that we worship a limitless Lord. Nothing is impossible with Him (Matt. 19:26). Nor is anything wasted.
I don't know how He's going to redeem this situation, but I can't wait to experience it <3
