Seven Rams' Horns Ahead

Jericho Is Destroyed

"Jericho was bolted and barred shut because the people were afraid of the Israelites. No one could enter or leave.

² The Lord said to Joshua, “I am about to hand Jericho, its king, and its warriors over to you. ³ All the soldiers will march around the city once a day for six days. ⁴ Seven priests will carry rams’ horns ahead of the ark. But on the seventh day you must march around the city seven times while the priests blow their horns. ⁵ When you hear a long blast on the horn, all the troops must shout very loudly. The wall around the city will collapse. Then the troops must charge straight ahead into the city. ...
¹² Joshua got up early in the morning. The priests carried the Lord’s ark. ¹³ The seven priests carrying the seven rams’ horns were ahead of it. The priests blew their horns as they went. The armed men were ahead of them, and the rear guard followed the Lord’s ark while the horns blew continually. ¹⁴ They went around the city once on the second day and returned to the camp. They did this for six days."
(Joshua 6:1-5, 12-14 GWT)

God had made it clear that our journey to reach your heart would be like Joshua's battle for Jericho.  We will have to march around your heart multiple times, and eventually the Lord will cause the walls around it to tumble.  I praise Him--He heard my surrender...saw my white flag waving...and today, He was faithful to reveal something new about this tired revelation and renew my strength to keep marching!

I was so frustrated with Him these past few weeks.  Couldn't He see how I was hurting?  Why was He allowing the enemy to speak against me with yours and others' "lying tongues"?  To "surround me with hateful words"? Why was He allowing you to "fight against me for no reason" and "in return for my love, [allow you to] accuse me" even though "I pray for [you]"?  Was my reward to be evil instead of good?  Your hatred instead of love? (Psalm 109).  

Today, He answered me:

No.  But I needed to bring some things to the surface so I could fully heal you before you can be used to help Me heal Lucy.

Boy, did He.  The enemy used you to play on my fear.  Anger was just the symptom.  But by the Power of God's grace that is so much stronger and greater than our Adversary, I let go of my fear today...fear that I'm losing my happy family...fear that God would abandon me and His Promise for you...fear that I wasn't cut out for this task He's given us.  And I found freedom in the forgiveness of those satan used throughout my life to birth and feed that lie, including you, that had left my heart out in the cold to bleed alone.

He was there when my heart was breaking; every single time that it broke.  His was breaking, too!  And My God, Who cherishes me, was not going to allow my heart to remain broken.  Just as any loving Father would, He's been aiming to mend it.  And, in the most backwards way, He used you to do just that.

So, back to the "something new" He revealed about this account in Jericho.... Seven priests were instructed to carry rams' horns ahead of the ark, blowing them continually.  I've glossed over this detail so many times.  What that meant and why they had to do this was beyond me, so I suppose my brain clung only to the parts of this story I could relate to or understand. The Holy Spirit revealed to me exactly what this was about and why it had to be done.... The rams' horn (also known as the Shofar) was used by the Israelites to signify their waging of war.  And for the believer in Jesus, it represents the shout of God's victory (see: Meaning of the Shofar)!  

Yes, God is requiring we continue this march around your heart.  He knows we're exhausted. We are undoubtedly waging war, not against flesh and blood, but against these spiritual forces that grip you (Eph. 6:12).  But He is also commanding us to shout His victory!  To send our praises out ahead of us!!!  Hence, I thank Him now for delivering you.  I thank Him now for the freedom you will find in Christ.  I thank Him right now, in the middle of this battle, for the "Angel of Light" you will be for so many others trapped in darkness.  You didn't rename you "Lucy"...God did.  I praise Him in advance for the woman you are going to become and the force you're going to be against the very enemy that's losing his grip on you as I type.

Victory is the Lord's!

Dry Bones

I can admit that I no longer trust you.  I struggle moment-by-moment with believing that any of your "good" behaviors and choices are genuinely good at all.  I also recognize that it's not you I have to trust really, but God.  This is His Plan, and He is faithful to bring it to perfect completion (Phil. 1:6). Shamefully, I am completely aware that in my unforgiveness, I'm leaving myself wide open to the enemy and more of his wiles. Yes, I know that God is with me. I know that by His Power and His Strength, I can overcome the hurt that's taken root.  And I know that until I do, I'm single-handedly hindering reconcilation.

I've just got nothing left.

I have truly come to the end of myself.

This is where I would encourage others that our end is God's beginning--a truth I am barely hanging onto by my fingertips.  I am tired, Lucy.  I can see your desire for a mother's love, and I wanted nothing more than to be God's Instrument to deliver just that to you.  I gave.  And you continue to take advantage of every part of my heart.  I know what Jesus would do...what He does do...yet I've never felt less like Him than I do right now.  :(

A Valley of Dry Bones

37 The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the Lord to a valley filled with bones. ² He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out. ³ Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”

“O Sovereign Lord,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”
⁴ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! ⁶ I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”
⁷ So I spoke this message, just as he told me. Suddenly as I spoke, there was a rattling noise all across the valley. The bones of each body came together and attached themselves as complete skeletons. ⁸ Then as I watched, muscles and flesh formed over the bones. Then skin formed to cover their bodies, but they still had no breath in them.
⁹ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”
¹⁰ So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet—a great army.
¹¹ Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ ¹² Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel. ¹³ When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the Lord. ¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the Lord has spoken!’” (Ezekiel 37:1-14)


Sovereign Lord, I have become old, dry bones.  My head knows better, but my broken heart feels like all hope is gone.  Put breath into me and bring me back to life so I, and Lucy, will know that You are the LORD.  Cause me to rise again so I can stand above my emotions and against the enemy.  Please, in Your Name, grant me the strength to trust You and Your Plan and to turn the other cheek so I can be used to reveal Your divine mercy and unfailing love. 

Fiery Trials

Psalm 105

¹ Give thanks to the Lord.
Call on him.
Make known among the nations what he has done.
² Sing to him.
Make music to praise him.
Meditate on all the miracles he has performed.
³ Brag about his holy name.
Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
⁴ Search for the Lord and his strength.
Always seek his presence.
⁵ Remember the miracles he performed,
    the amazing things he did, and the judgments he pronounced,
⁶         you descendants of his servant Abraham,
        you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.

⁷ He is the Lord our God.
    His judgments are pronounced throughout the earth.
⁸ He always remembers his promise,^[a]
    the word that he commanded for a thousand generations,
⁹         the promise that he made to Abraham,
            and his sworn oath to Isaac.
¹⁰ He confirmed it as a law for Jacob,
    as an everlasting promise to Israel,
¹¹         by saying, “I will give you the land of Canaan.
            It is your share of the inheritance.”

¹² While the people of Israel were few in number,
    a small group of foreigners living in that land,
¹³         they wandered from nation to nation,
            from one kingdom to another.
¹⁴ He didn’t permit anyone to oppress them.
He warned kings about them:
¹⁵     “Do not touch my anointed ones
        or harm my prophets.”

¹⁶ He brought famine to the land.
He took away their food supply.
¹⁷ He sent a man ahead of them.
He sent Joseph, who was sold as a slave.
¹⁸     They hurt his feet with shackles,
        and cut into his neck with an iron collar.
¹⁹             The Lord’s promise tested him through fiery trials
                until his prediction came true.
²⁰     The king sent someone to release him.
    The ruler of nations set him free.
²¹     He made Joseph the master of his palace
        and the ruler of all his possessions.
²²             Joseph trained the king’s officers the way he wanted
                and taught his respected leaders wisdom.

²³ Then Israel came to Egypt.
    Jacob lived as a foreigner in the land of Ham.
²⁴ The Lord made his people grow rapidly in number
    and stronger than their enemies.
²⁵ He changed their minds so that they hated his people,
    and they dealt treacherously with his servants.
²⁶ He sent his servant Moses, and he sent Aaron, whom he had chosen.
²⁷     They displayed his miraculous signs among them
        and did amazing things in the land of Ham.
²⁸ He sent darkness and made their land dark.
    They did not rebel against his orders.
²⁹ He turned their water into blood
    and caused their fish to die.
³⁰ He made their land swarm with frogs,
    even in the kings’ bedrooms.
³¹ He spoke, and swarms of flies and gnats
    infested their whole territory.
³² He gave them hail and lightning
    instead of rain throughout their land.
³³ He struck their grapevines and fig trees
    and smashed the trees in their territory.
³⁴ He spoke, and countless locusts and grasshoppers came.
³⁵     They devoured all the plants in the land.
    They devoured the crops in the fields.
³⁶ He killed all the firstborn sons,
    the first ones born in the land when their fathers were young.
³⁷ He brought Israel out with silver and gold,
    and no one among his tribes stumbled.
³⁸ The Egyptians were terrified of Israel,
    so they were glad when Israel left.
³⁹ He spread out a cloud as a protective covering
    and a fire to light up the night.
⁴⁰ The Israelites asked, and he brought them quail
    and filled them with bread from heaven.
⁴¹ He opened a rock, and water gushed
    and flowed like a river through the dry places.

⁴² He remembered his holy promise to his servant Abraham.
⁴³ He brought his people out with joy,
    his chosen ones with a song of joy.
⁴⁴ He gave them the lands of other nations,
    and they inherited what others had worked for
⁴⁵         so that they would obey his laws
            and follow his teachings.

Hallelujah!

Like Joseph, I feel like the Lord sold us over to be slaves. Harsh or not, there is no denying that our spirits have nearly been crushed by your strongholds...these shackles that bind you spiritually have hurt us so deeply.  The weight of responsibility for you bears down on our shoulders more and more like an iron collar of sorts.  No doubt, the Lord's Promise to us is being tested more than ever right now.  

We have literally been in despair since late last week.  When things didn't go the way you thought they should go, and you ran away and hid from us with a woman you hardly knew...and filled her head with incredulous lies as though we've been monsters mistreating you all of this time...and tried the same shennanigans with law enforcement?!...there are just no words.  Still.  The enemy clearly didn't like the eviction notice you gave him at the altar in Falls Creek.  Like a thief, he came to "steal, kill, and destroy" all the work we've done to grow closer as a family. 

He won this battle, but he's already lost the war.

In our pain, God remains.  He promised Joseph great authority and respect.  He promised Jacob numerous descendants. And to Moses and Aaron: deliverance for their people, the Israelites. But He never promised them an easy road to their "Promised Lands".  Nor does He promise this to us.  These fiery trials will likely continue until our prediction comes true.  But tonight, I'm choosing hope.  We will be brought out with silver and gold and we will not stumble.  Like manna from heaven and water gushing from a rock, the Lord has been so faithful to provide support for us in this dry place.  He remembers His promise and will bring us out with joy.  We can praise Him even now <3

2 Corinthians 4:8-12

⁸ In every way we’re troubled, but we aren’t crushed by our troubles. We’re frustrated, but we don’t give up. ⁹ We’re persecuted, but we’re not abandoned. We’re captured, but we’re not killed. ¹⁰ We always carry around the death of Jesus in our bodies so that the life of Jesus is also shown in our bodies. ¹¹ While we are alive, we are constantly handed over to death for Jesus’ sake so that the life of Jesus is also shown in our mortal nature. ¹² Death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

 

Love you, Lucy.

Mama

Demons Run and Flee

After the incident in May, the storm of emotions blowing through our home subsided.  We were able to move on and move forward with our summer vacation plans to visit family.  You were still temporarily restricted from certain privileges as a consequence of your actions, yet this loss nor the length of it did much for changing your heart.  We were only able to come up for air and make just a few good memories together before having to go back into the trenches.  You took advantage of my parents and crossed the very same line again.  I was so frustrated, Lucy.  I couldn't figure out for the life of me why the Internet and access to these certain websites were more important than the relationships with this family God had given you...that you claimed you had always wanted. I believed the Lord's promise to deliver all of you, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hold on to with every storm that blew in.  God heard the groans of my spirit, however, and gave me the most incredible dream:

We were hosting a birthday party at our house for one of your brothers, when two Arabic boys were dropped off by their very kind dad.  Because things were very chaotic, he thoughtfully handed me a piece of paper with all of their information on it and told me to call when we were ready for the kids to be picked up.  As I wrap up the party and get things cleaned up, I suddenly realize how late it was getting and that we had AWANA in just a few.  All the children had been picked up except the boys--I had forgotten to call their dad in my craziness!  I decide to corral all of the kids into our car, head to AWANA, and call the dad to let him know.  As I unfold the note he'd given me earlier, I see the boys' names: Grace (weird name for a boy, I thought) and Ruru (even weirder).
Dream pans to post-AWANA...I'm dropping Arabic boys off at their home.  I pass an auto-body shop along the way that was rumored to often be used as a drug drop point for sellers and users...I never believed it though, as it was a good area of town.  On the way home, I accidently make a wrong turn and end up turning around in their lot.  As I'm doing so, I discover three men, shady men, dealing drugs on the side of the building.  Completely freaking out that they saw me, I rush to put the car in reverse only to see one of the men approaching. While slowly rolling down my window, I overhear him call back to the others, "Don't worry boys, I've got this one.  I'll sell her some 'e' or something." Fearing for my life, I try and play it cool, choosing to ask for weed over explaining that I just made a wrong turn (if I'm one of them, I won't be seen as a threat to turning them in...and it was the lesser of the drugs offered at least...right?).  After the whole fiasco, I return home with weed reluctantly in hand.  Naturally, everyone is outside the house waiting for me to let them in.  I don't want them to see the drugs, so I use the huge above-ground pool in the dream front yard (that was between me and the front door) to hide it.  And thankfully, there's a raft still floating in it that would make the perfect place temporarily. I climb the ladder, grab for the raft, and discover that Tony has already hidden a large package with a very X-Rated picture of a woman on its front.  Flipping it over so the picture is no longer exposed (and wondering what the heck he's been doing), I hide the package of weed underneath and scurry down and over to the front door to let the kids in.

The next morning, I woke up with this dream vivdly etched in my mind.  I knew it wasn't just any dream...something about it really grabbed my attention and held it for most of the morning.  Particularly something about those boys' names.  Grace and Ruru?  I haven't even heard of a name or term "Ruru" before!  And Grace? For a boy?

Your dad decided to search "Ruru" on the Internet, and found that Ruru is the Hebrew name used for the Caananite and Ammonite's false god, also known as Molech! What's even more creepy about this is the owl represents Molech, and you wore one around your neck nearly every day since "someone from school" gave it to you in Ukraine!! Also, I had been reading in Numbers and Joshua and was quickly reminded of what I had recently read in Joshua 16 & 17 about Ephraim and Manasseh living with the Caananites instead of forcing them out as they were commanded...because they felt the Caananites were just too strong Joshua 16-17 GWT. God was telling us we have Grace and Molech in our backseat and we need to force Molech out to take possesion of your WHOLE heart that He promised is already ours! And in a moment when we were so tempted to live with the enemy because we felt he was just too strong!

 The Lord was faithful to continually remind us that "This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent.  We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers that govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world" (Eph. 6:12).   The events of the next month were even more tense but telling.  Each week brought a little more darkness to light and unveiled more of the real you that had been overshadowed by the enemy's lies.  Finally, it seemed like your heart broke under the weight of God's Grace.  You shared some of the ugliest parts of your story and wept in my arms.  It was a beautiful moment at the most perfect time, as just days later we headed to youth summer camp in Falls Creek, OK.  Tabernacle time was full of 5,000 teenagers singing praises to God--an indescribable sight and sound really.  But the most unforgettable moment for me, was when I had my hands lifted high in the air and my eyes closed deep in worship singing: "The mountains shake before you, the demons run and flee at the mention of Your Name King of Majesty" and something inside me said, "Open your eyes and look"...and when I did, I saw you pulling Kathleen down the aisle behind you racing towards the altar in response to the call to accept and recommit your life to Christ!!!

I have never experienced a joy as pure as I did in that moment.  I crumbled into tears, in utter awe of God and what He can do. 

The rest of that week and the week after were the most peaceful and harmonious weeks we've had as a family.  You are at your most beautiful when Christ shines through you, Sweet Girl.  And, OH, how SO brightly He shined <3