It's ironic. We rang in the New Year with the old you, making it clear all over again that you have no more use or desire for our family. And yet, God continues to use you to grow our family's desire for Him :) I spent most of last year mourning your loss, hoping in Jesus' power to move our mountains. I dreamt up the perfect Academy Award-winning close to our journey that brought you back home and the five of us closer than ever, actively serving God by caring for more of His orphans. And because I believed I was asking within His will, I've been waiting anxiously for this huge miraculous moment to come.
It seemed we were getting close. We were doing ok. We were messaging back and forth again. I was given the opportunity to explain our perspective and why Dad and I made the choices we did while you were still home with us, clarifying our position and good intentions and apologizing for any hurt our ignorance caused. You seemed to understand. You even told me you love us still!! I was over-the-moon! Hope was again restored.
Then it suddenly wasn't.
I was so frustrated with God, allowing me to taste the possibility of restoration but then allowing you to stray so far. Didn't He want a happy ending, too? Wouldn't it be a powerful testimony for His glory as well as our joy? He's been answering this question for me, and I nearly missed it.
"I've spent way too much time sidelined by certain pain, trying to dissect it and figure it out, instead of experiencing Christ's sufficient grace and perfect power in the midst of it" (Minter, p.180).
He has given our story a happy ending. Maybe not a traditional one, but an incredibly powerful testimony for His glory nonetheless! I've been so busy looking for more flashy signs and miracles that I overlooked the many subtle ones: the grace He's given us to love you and others despite the hurt and fear left in your wake; the courage He gave us to pursue you from the start, and then again, and to consider adopting even still; the mercy He provided to forgive you in those carnal moments we just wanted to forget you, and in the forgiveness of ourselves when faced with our own mistakes; and the soothing words He continues to bring our way that have helped to heal our broken hearts.
Yes. Mountains have been moved, however discreetly this time. Praise Him for His power that has been so perfect in our weakness <3
Word on the street is you have left San Angelo. While I grieve the loss of what could have been, I will finally move forward, too. There will always be a place for you in my heart and our family, Loo. But I don't want to miss out on a new assignment from God because I can't let go of you...and the truth I've most recently learned is, "the people we love are most blessed when we release them to the Lord. And so are we." (Minter, p.192).
You're His. You always have been. May you one day come to see just how mightily the Lord has worked around you and for you and even through you.
...and may that finally be enough.
Love Always.
"Is the proof of Jesus' hand on our lives found only in big money, big deals, flashes of fame, and our biggest dreams coming true? Or is the proof of His power also found in us when we are given grace to love the unlovely, adopt a child when we're scared to death, forgive when it flies in the face of our gut reaction, and hear His Holy Spirit whisper tender words of affirmation to our broken hearts?
The Church at Corinth [re: 2 Corinthians] was still looking for Paul to come with showy signs and demonstrative expressions of power, maybe even wealth. I think we sometimes look for the same types of things in our lives to decide if Jesus is really present in us--or in someone else. ...Dear follower of Christ, make sure you're not judging the proof of God's hand on your life merely by outward, materialistic blessings. ...oftentimes His greatest display of power in our lives is in our places of loneliness, battles with infirmities, and painful losses. Whether you're feeling weak or strong, hide yourself as weak in Christ, as a child is weak when resting in her father's arms. This is where we'll find the true strength to love God and serve others." -Kelly Minter, All Things New Study Guide, p.199-200.
It seemed we were getting close. We were doing ok. We were messaging back and forth again. I was given the opportunity to explain our perspective and why Dad and I made the choices we did while you were still home with us, clarifying our position and good intentions and apologizing for any hurt our ignorance caused. You seemed to understand. You even told me you love us still!! I was over-the-moon! Hope was again restored.
Then it suddenly wasn't.
I was so frustrated with God, allowing me to taste the possibility of restoration but then allowing you to stray so far. Didn't He want a happy ending, too? Wouldn't it be a powerful testimony for His glory as well as our joy? He's been answering this question for me, and I nearly missed it.
"I've spent way too much time sidelined by certain pain, trying to dissect it and figure it out, instead of experiencing Christ's sufficient grace and perfect power in the midst of it" (Minter, p.180).
He has given our story a happy ending. Maybe not a traditional one, but an incredibly powerful testimony for His glory nonetheless! I've been so busy looking for more flashy signs and miracles that I overlooked the many subtle ones: the grace He's given us to love you and others despite the hurt and fear left in your wake; the courage He gave us to pursue you from the start, and then again, and to consider adopting even still; the mercy He provided to forgive you in those carnal moments we just wanted to forget you, and in the forgiveness of ourselves when faced with our own mistakes; and the soothing words He continues to bring our way that have helped to heal our broken hearts.
Yes. Mountains have been moved, however discreetly this time. Praise Him for His power that has been so perfect in our weakness <3
Word on the street is you have left San Angelo. While I grieve the loss of what could have been, I will finally move forward, too. There will always be a place for you in my heart and our family, Loo. But I don't want to miss out on a new assignment from God because I can't let go of you...and the truth I've most recently learned is, "the people we love are most blessed when we release them to the Lord. And so are we." (Minter, p.192).
You're His. You always have been. May you one day come to see just how mightily the Lord has worked around you and for you and even through you.
...and may that finally be enough.
Love Always.
"Is the proof of Jesus' hand on our lives found only in big money, big deals, flashes of fame, and our biggest dreams coming true? Or is the proof of His power also found in us when we are given grace to love the unlovely, adopt a child when we're scared to death, forgive when it flies in the face of our gut reaction, and hear His Holy Spirit whisper tender words of affirmation to our broken hearts?
The Church at Corinth [re: 2 Corinthians] was still looking for Paul to come with showy signs and demonstrative expressions of power, maybe even wealth. I think we sometimes look for the same types of things in our lives to decide if Jesus is really present in us--or in someone else. ...Dear follower of Christ, make sure you're not judging the proof of God's hand on your life merely by outward, materialistic blessings. ...oftentimes His greatest display of power in our lives is in our places of loneliness, battles with infirmities, and painful losses. Whether you're feeling weak or strong, hide yourself as weak in Christ, as a child is weak when resting in her father's arms. This is where we'll find the true strength to love God and serve others." -Kelly Minter, All Things New Study Guide, p.199-200.
