How quickly bitterness can enter the soul. We got an opportunity to see you for the first time since you ran away this past January. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for God's perfect timing, as it came on the heels of church youth camp and some incredibly deep healing for Josh and I. You were as beautiful as ever and surprisingly welcoming...to me and the boys anyway. You let me hold on to you and hug you for quite some time and even allowed me to kiss your cheek (claiming you would have kissed mine if not for the red lipstick you wore). You briefly updated me on all that was new in your self-made world: new jobs and plans to get your drivers license and soon a car, as if nothing ugly had ever happened between us.
My actions outwardly remained very calm but still happy to see you; inwardly, however, the perfect storm of emotions was definitely brewing. I watched as you gave each of the boys a bracelet, quietly battling the desire to feel grateful for your thoughtfulness of them and for their mercy toward you as they received them so kindly, against the conflicting desire to scream, "Seriously?! Bracelets?! Your crafted stories nearly threw their parents in jail and almost wrecked their lifelong sense of security. How about an apology for threatening their whole world because you chose to spin a web of lies to catch solely what you wanted for a moment?"
I helped load the boxes of clothes and other items we had once provided you silently thanking the Lord for the opportunity to close this chapter on a better note than before in a way that honors His will, but also struggling with turning the other cheek. Self-centered thoughts bombarded me: Shouldn't you have thought about all that you would lose before running away and brutally trampling on our hearts the way you did? How come she gets to treat us like doormats and You, God, are asking us to keep still while she continues to?
We took this picture:
I was so happy to have one to keep...to prove that victory came on the other side of this mess...but I'm so irritated that I am the one so full of joy, so ecstatic to be reunited, and you look almost miserable.
Victory clearly has yet to come.
Later, after you had left and all was said and done, I received another message from you thanking me greatly for giving you everything. That would have been an ok note to end on for now. I could have swallowed the frustrations I had and chalked them up to nothing. Yet, I sent you a sweet article the next day to encourage you. No response. ...Until the third day when you eventually replied with, "Can I have my journal please?" And, "Please take it to the shelter. [Address]"
?!?!?!?!?!
Face palm.
When will you humble your heart, Loo? When will you realize how blessed you are that the God of the Entire Universe loves you so much that He's forgiven you before you've even asked and has gone above and beyond placing a burden on the very hearts you've hurt to show you His Grace? Instead, you continue on as though you had made some ultimate sacrifice...as though you had done us a favor. ?! This isn't anything you're doing or that we're doing. God is doing it all. Forgive me if I'm writing too bluntly, Child, but I don't have it left in me to mince words anymore. The stench of pride can't be sugarcoated.
I've been tempted to believe you won't possibly ever understand the magnitude of what you've done or how your actions have hurt genuine people...people beyond our family and likely throughout the entirety of your life...who purely sought to love you the best they knew how (even if it wasn't always the actual best--hindsight is 20/20). And honestly...at the rate things are going for you (so well), you will never have reason to.
But God.
God continues to say differently.
"Think much of My servants of old. How Abraham believed in the promise (when as yet he had no child) that in his seed all the nations of the earth should be blessed. How Moses led the Children of Israel through the desert, sure that, at last, they would gain the Promised Land. Down through the ages there have always been those who obeyed, not seeing but believing, and their Faith was rewarded. So shall it be even with you." -God Calling App, July 30th, 2016
He won't allow me to give up. He keeps reminding me that despite what I see, I can believe and trust that He still reigns. There seems to be so much injustice in this situation, but we serve a just God (Ps. 25:8-14). You seem to have completely deceived even yourself, but we serve a God that searches the heart and examines the mind (Jer. 17:10). You have done everything possible to diminish our role in your life, Lucy, but He's not finished with us yet. Our hands are tied, but our prayers are not. We still stand firm as your family, committed to calling on the Lord to help us when we're not strong so that with Him we can fight against the large army of lies that hold you captive. And He has been so faithful to remind us who and what we are fighting for. We wage war against the enemy not for ourselves, not for our gain, not for our justice. We cry out for God to have mercy on you, Sweet Girl. This is a rescue mission not revenge. It is God that you're toeing the line of abandoning...forget us! You continue to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, but you've been placing yourself and your desires on the throne of your heart leaving no room for Him. And we're hurting because you continue to choose your lies over His Truth. "The LORD is with you when you are with Him. If you will dedicate your lives to serving Him, He will accept you. But if you abandon Him, He will abandon you" (2 Chron. 15:2).
I pray that Jesus gives you the strength to finally surrender all...to truly dedicate your life to serving Him, yourself, your feelings, and your desires completely aside. I can't imagine how scary it will be for you to finally face all of the choices you've made for the last eighteen years in effort to look out for and protect only you. I can't imagine how difficult it will be to transition from a life of doing this to one that looks out for and protects others before yourself for God's glory. Your sacrifice really will be great then. It really will be tough. "But you must remain strong and not become discouraged. Your actions will be rewarded" (2 Chron. 15:7). And the reward that awaits you is so sweet, Loo. You have been given the beginnings of a very unique, very gripping testimony that will grab the attention of all who are privileged to hear it. ...and guaranteed, that's without all of the fantastical junk you've been adding to it to exaggerate the actual truth....
I'll be praying always that it ends happily so you and all who hear it are eternally changed <3
Love you with His Love,
Mom
"Help us, LORD our God, because we are depending on You. In Your Name, we go against this large crowd. You are the LORD our God. Don't let anyone successfully oppose You" (2 Chron. 14:11).
My actions outwardly remained very calm but still happy to see you; inwardly, however, the perfect storm of emotions was definitely brewing. I watched as you gave each of the boys a bracelet, quietly battling the desire to feel grateful for your thoughtfulness of them and for their mercy toward you as they received them so kindly, against the conflicting desire to scream, "Seriously?! Bracelets?! Your crafted stories nearly threw their parents in jail and almost wrecked their lifelong sense of security. How about an apology for threatening their whole world because you chose to spin a web of lies to catch solely what you wanted for a moment?"
I helped load the boxes of clothes and other items we had once provided you silently thanking the Lord for the opportunity to close this chapter on a better note than before in a way that honors His will, but also struggling with turning the other cheek. Self-centered thoughts bombarded me: Shouldn't you have thought about all that you would lose before running away and brutally trampling on our hearts the way you did? How come she gets to treat us like doormats and You, God, are asking us to keep still while she continues to?
We took this picture:
I was so happy to have one to keep...to prove that victory came on the other side of this mess...but I'm so irritated that I am the one so full of joy, so ecstatic to be reunited, and you look almost miserable.
Victory clearly has yet to come.
Later, after you had left and all was said and done, I received another message from you thanking me greatly for giving you everything. That would have been an ok note to end on for now. I could have swallowed the frustrations I had and chalked them up to nothing. Yet, I sent you a sweet article the next day to encourage you. No response. ...Until the third day when you eventually replied with, "Can I have my journal please?" And, "Please take it to the shelter. [Address]"
?!?!?!?!?!
When will you humble your heart, Loo? When will you realize how blessed you are that the God of the Entire Universe loves you so much that He's forgiven you before you've even asked and has gone above and beyond placing a burden on the very hearts you've hurt to show you His Grace? Instead, you continue on as though you had made some ultimate sacrifice...as though you had done us a favor. ?! This isn't anything you're doing or that we're doing. God is doing it all. Forgive me if I'm writing too bluntly, Child, but I don't have it left in me to mince words anymore. The stench of pride can't be sugarcoated.
I've been tempted to believe you won't possibly ever understand the magnitude of what you've done or how your actions have hurt genuine people...people beyond our family and likely throughout the entirety of your life...who purely sought to love you the best they knew how (even if it wasn't always the actual best--hindsight is 20/20). And honestly...at the rate things are going for you (so well), you will never have reason to.
But God.
God continues to say differently.
"Think much of My servants of old. How Abraham believed in the promise (when as yet he had no child) that in his seed all the nations of the earth should be blessed. How Moses led the Children of Israel through the desert, sure that, at last, they would gain the Promised Land. Down through the ages there have always been those who obeyed, not seeing but believing, and their Faith was rewarded. So shall it be even with you." -God Calling App, July 30th, 2016
He won't allow me to give up. He keeps reminding me that despite what I see, I can believe and trust that He still reigns. There seems to be so much injustice in this situation, but we serve a just God (Ps. 25:8-14). You seem to have completely deceived even yourself, but we serve a God that searches the heart and examines the mind (Jer. 17:10). You have done everything possible to diminish our role in your life, Lucy, but He's not finished with us yet. Our hands are tied, but our prayers are not. We still stand firm as your family, committed to calling on the Lord to help us when we're not strong so that with Him we can fight against the large army of lies that hold you captive. And He has been so faithful to remind us who and what we are fighting for. We wage war against the enemy not for ourselves, not for our gain, not for our justice. We cry out for God to have mercy on you, Sweet Girl. This is a rescue mission not revenge. It is God that you're toeing the line of abandoning...forget us! You continue to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, but you've been placing yourself and your desires on the throne of your heart leaving no room for Him. And we're hurting because you continue to choose your lies over His Truth. "The LORD is with you when you are with Him. If you will dedicate your lives to serving Him, He will accept you. But if you abandon Him, He will abandon you" (2 Chron. 15:2).
I pray that Jesus gives you the strength to finally surrender all...to truly dedicate your life to serving Him, yourself, your feelings, and your desires completely aside. I can't imagine how scary it will be for you to finally face all of the choices you've made for the last eighteen years in effort to look out for and protect only you. I can't imagine how difficult it will be to transition from a life of doing this to one that looks out for and protects others before yourself for God's glory. Your sacrifice really will be great then. It really will be tough. "But you must remain strong and not become discouraged. Your actions will be rewarded" (2 Chron. 15:7). And the reward that awaits you is so sweet, Loo. You have been given the beginnings of a very unique, very gripping testimony that will grab the attention of all who are privileged to hear it. ...and guaranteed, that's without all of the fantastical junk you've been adding to it to exaggerate the actual truth....
I'll be praying always that it ends happily so you and all who hear it are eternally changed <3
Love you with His Love,
Mom
"Help us, LORD our God, because we are depending on You. In Your Name, we go against this large crowd. You are the LORD our God. Don't let anyone successfully oppose You" (2 Chron. 14:11).
