"Therefore, since we have this ministry through the mercy we have received, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced the secret things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the Word of God deceitfully, but by expressing the truth and commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. But if our gospel is hidden, it is hidden to those who are lost. ...But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, the excellency of the power being from God and not from ourselves. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down but not destroyed; and always carrying around in the body the death of the Lord Jesus, that also the life of Jesus might be expressed in our bodies. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that also the life of Jesus might be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then, death works in us, but life in you. ...All these things are for your sakes..." (2 Co. 4)
You draw close, then pull away. You say and write the most hopeful words, then the most hurtful. My flesh always wants to scream back...always wants to defend myself to you. But there is no defense against lost. Yet, it is for your sake and Jesus' glory that I go back into the crossfire again and again, taking your hits over and over; the willpower and perseverance not from me but from God for you. It is for your sake. We have been troubled on every side, but He has been our help and our shield; we hope and trust in Him to deliver us and to deliver you (Ps.33:20-22). We are incredibly perplexed, but we serve a God Who knows every strand of hair on your head (Luke 12:7). He alone can see inside your heart and mind and has the power to transform you (1 Chron. 28:9; Ps. 139:1; Jer. 17:10; Luke 8:26-39). We have been persecuted and continue to be...most often at your hand..., but the Lord continues to preserve us and strengthen our hearts as we wait on Him to carry out His plans (Ps. 31:23-24).
We are constantly being asked to die to ourselves...to die to our dream of having a healthy relationship with you...to die to our desire for the world's approval...to die to our desire for vengeance...to die to our desire for recognition and admission of any wrong from you...to die to the desire for reconciliation. But with each death, with each break in our "jars of clay" more of Jesus' Spirit pours through. I have grown from this mess, no doubt. But it has not been for my gain that we adopted you or that I continue to pray for, write to, or engage with you. I pray, in His Name, that all of this "death works in us" for "life in you"!!
I long for the scales to be removed from your eyes once and for all so you can see how desperately God wants you, Luda. I recognized long ago that your given name, Lyudmila, means "dearly loved by the people". You are dearly loved, Child: by people, by us...by the Living God. You asked Jesus to come into your life. You chose to announce your decision to the world by being baptized. But the blessings of His protection and transforming power are for those who choose to accept His way and His will over their own. This means dying to yourself for Jesus' sake. This means being uncomfortable and letting your guard down. It means admitting you have lied and manipulated to get what you want. It's admitting that you don't have all of the answers and that you need help. It's admitting that you crave to be accepted and loved.
Your anger and wrath hides nothing. Anyone that has spent any amount of time with you sees the ashamed, embarrassed, hurting, broken, and lost girl you're trying to protect. We already see you!! And, (for what little it's worth) we have already forgiven and accepted you. But, most importantly (as you have written), God sees all. And He has already forgiven you <3 He's just waiting for you to recognize your need for Him, to stop living life your way, and to start surrendering to and trusting in His. There are no angels on this earth, Loo. We all fall short of God's glory (Romans 3:23). That's why we all need Jesus!
There is no need to feel embarrassed or less than. There is no shame or condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1). May you come to see the grace and the love I'm trying so hard to extend to you for what it is: 100% genuine and from God Himself.
You draw close, then pull away. You say and write the most hopeful words, then the most hurtful. My flesh always wants to scream back...always wants to defend myself to you. But there is no defense against lost. Yet, it is for your sake and Jesus' glory that I go back into the crossfire again and again, taking your hits over and over; the willpower and perseverance not from me but from God for you. It is for your sake. We have been troubled on every side, but He has been our help and our shield; we hope and trust in Him to deliver us and to deliver you (Ps.33:20-22). We are incredibly perplexed, but we serve a God Who knows every strand of hair on your head (Luke 12:7). He alone can see inside your heart and mind and has the power to transform you (1 Chron. 28:9; Ps. 139:1; Jer. 17:10; Luke 8:26-39). We have been persecuted and continue to be...most often at your hand..., but the Lord continues to preserve us and strengthen our hearts as we wait on Him to carry out His plans (Ps. 31:23-24).
I long for the scales to be removed from your eyes once and for all so you can see how desperately God wants you, Luda. I recognized long ago that your given name, Lyudmila, means "dearly loved by the people". You are dearly loved, Child: by people, by us...by the Living God. You asked Jesus to come into your life. You chose to announce your decision to the world by being baptized. But the blessings of His protection and transforming power are for those who choose to accept His way and His will over their own. This means dying to yourself for Jesus' sake. This means being uncomfortable and letting your guard down. It means admitting you have lied and manipulated to get what you want. It's admitting that you don't have all of the answers and that you need help. It's admitting that you crave to be accepted and loved.
Your anger and wrath hides nothing. Anyone that has spent any amount of time with you sees the ashamed, embarrassed, hurting, broken, and lost girl you're trying to protect. We already see you!! And, (for what little it's worth) we have already forgiven and accepted you. But, most importantly (as you have written), God sees all. And He has already forgiven you <3 He's just waiting for you to recognize your need for Him, to stop living life your way, and to start surrendering to and trusting in His. There are no angels on this earth, Loo. We all fall short of God's glory (Romans 3:23). That's why we all need Jesus!
There is no need to feel embarrassed or less than. There is no shame or condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1). May you come to see the grace and the love I'm trying so hard to extend to you for what it is: 100% genuine and from God Himself.
