"Narcissism is, simply speaking, self-love, or an excessive interest in one's own appearance, comfort, importance, or abilities. Narcissists are preoccupied with an idealized image of themselves. They focus so strongly on themselves and the image they portray that they lose their real self. Life is a series of events organized to support this idealized image. Love is out of the picture. Admiration is all that counts." -Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal, p.189
As you can probably guess, I'm still on this journey...grieving, a little, but healing even more so now. You were truly the impetus God used to set so much in motion. Because of you, I have experienced so much of His heart that I never would have without you. And while I am beyond grateful for all that I've learned, I've been equally as stuck, hung up on the reality that you chose a life playing pretend than one lived out for real.
After years and likely so many unnecessary troubles, you're still posting pictures of random girls on vacations, driving fancy cars, and with people that look so happy as though they're your own, as though they're you. And the most frustrating thing for me watching all of this from the outside is that it could have really been you! Since you left, we moved to a beautiful big house like you always dreamed of; we got a horse like you said you wanted; we went on a cruise and actually saw beaches like the ones you claimed to have visited; we were even in the works of buying and surprising you with a cute car and figuring out how to get you licensed to drive when you were still in our home! You had it all. But you never saw any of it because you couldn't see past yourself. You were focused so strongly on yourself and the image you wanted to portray that you lost your real self. No doubt, your life has become nothing more than "a series of events organized to support this idealized image" and "love is out of the picture".
Once again, Jesus opened the eyes of my heart even wider. Oh, how much like you I am towards my Savior even still. I'm often so preoccupied with what I think life should look like, with my own comfort, and with my abilities (or lack thereof) that I've missed out on so much He's been trying to give me all along. Love has been pushed aside by an addiction to please others and win the admiration of man...when I already have God's. What more can I need, when the Maker of Heaven and Earth already approves of me?!
I'm still pleading for your heart, Loo. As long as you're on this earth, it's never too late and nothing too impossible for God to work out. For either of us. May He open your eyes and your heart to all that we tried to do for you and all that He is still doing <3
Praying you're well and that your heart is moving closer and closer, if even little by little, to His.
Mom
As you can probably guess, I'm still on this journey...grieving, a little, but healing even more so now. You were truly the impetus God used to set so much in motion. Because of you, I have experienced so much of His heart that I never would have without you. And while I am beyond grateful for all that I've learned, I've been equally as stuck, hung up on the reality that you chose a life playing pretend than one lived out for real.
After years and likely so many unnecessary troubles, you're still posting pictures of random girls on vacations, driving fancy cars, and with people that look so happy as though they're your own, as though they're you. And the most frustrating thing for me watching all of this from the outside is that it could have really been you! Since you left, we moved to a beautiful big house like you always dreamed of; we got a horse like you said you wanted; we went on a cruise and actually saw beaches like the ones you claimed to have visited; we were even in the works of buying and surprising you with a cute car and figuring out how to get you licensed to drive when you were still in our home! You had it all. But you never saw any of it because you couldn't see past yourself. You were focused so strongly on yourself and the image you wanted to portray that you lost your real self. No doubt, your life has become nothing more than "a series of events organized to support this idealized image" and "love is out of the picture".
Once again, Jesus opened the eyes of my heart even wider. Oh, how much like you I am towards my Savior even still. I'm often so preoccupied with what I think life should look like, with my own comfort, and with my abilities (or lack thereof) that I've missed out on so much He's been trying to give me all along. Love has been pushed aside by an addiction to please others and win the admiration of man...when I already have God's. What more can I need, when the Maker of Heaven and Earth already approves of me?!
I'm still pleading for your heart, Loo. As long as you're on this earth, it's never too late and nothing too impossible for God to work out. For either of us. May He open your eyes and your heart to all that we tried to do for you and all that He is still doing <3
Praying you're well and that your heart is moving closer and closer, if even little by little, to His.
Mom
