His Hands

I thought I had experienced hopelessness…until I experienced hopelessness.  Months have gone by and we have gotten no further in the process of bringing you home.  Admittedly, up until last week I had been trying to consume myself with the here and now, too proud and too fearful to bring the reality of the situation before more of our church family :(  What if we'd been wrong in discerning God's will? What if this whole thing fell through?  Like the emotions that come with losing a pregnancy, we would be crushed trying to accept that we had lost you…that we had confused our heart's desire with His leading...much less having to face the disappointment on everyone else's faces when they asked about you.

Thankfully, an amazing friend pointed out that my actions were actually failing to believe in and trust God, and ultimately failing you.  I had been so wrong to keep the details close!  We finally poured our hearts out on a prayer card last Sunday, expressing honestly (and with more detail) our frustration with the system that seems almost to exploit your situation with greedy intent.  We asked our friends to pray alongside us, that the Lord trample the obstacles before us so we can finally bring you home.  A few days later, we sent off the new set of paperwork...once again requesting your availability and stating our intentions to adopt you.  My reservations revealed my lingering unbelief despite the Sunday attempt to act otherwise, but I have to mention that your dad's faith has been so surprisingly unwavering through all of this--he has refused to admit any defeat.  It's incredible.  His tenacity alone should have been a reminder to me that Jesus is pursuing you even more fiercely.  I've been so blind.  

Thursday we received another message from Kim.  A sweet family that's currently in the Ukraine, picking up the son they have adopted, met and fell in love with you and sought to adopt you as well!!  You are so loved, Luda! I can't wait to experience this commanding presence of yours in person!!  Unfortunately, they were unable to take you home as they had wished, but had discovered that you are now, in fact, available for adoption!!!  Finally!!  God truly trampled this obstacle, and He blessed us with, yet again, making it known at the perfect time.  Not only to renew my hope when I was just about out, but to bring hope to all of those who are praying with us.  He has shown me that no matter the state of our hands (tied or loosed), only His Hands matter…and you're in His <3  

He's taking care of you, precious daughter, even while and even if we can't.  It's bittersweet for me, that this family couldn't have rescued you…as I'd find comfort just knowing that you were happy and safe…. But I can't help but keep believing that God had to allow that opportunity to pass because you really do belong with us <3

The sweet family who swooped in and saved the day