We still stand at the banks of our Jordan. It has been a whole month now since we arrived home, and in a sense, we have been scouting out the "the entire land" (aka. your heart) that the LORD has already given us (Joshua 2). We know that you are incredibly sensitive and insecure. You are a perfectionist and desire to please others, yet you have quite a stubborn streak to contend with. You are a thoughtful and loyal daughter, sister, and friend, willing to be hilariously silly when you're comfortable. Your work ethic blows us away--when you want something, you will do whatever it takes to get it...no complaints...you just put your head down and plow through every obstacle. You are very organized and insist on being prompt; hence, you often grow extremely impatient with my tendency toward tardiness (and to talk a lot when we could be leaving somewhere to go home). You love to shop and are hyper-aware of boys, boys, boys. You love having a family--this has thankfully become so obvious. And,
You crave to be loved.
Like most of the world, however, you have been seeking it in all of the wrong places: in the attention you garner on social media, from the amount of attention you're able to gather from boys, from man's accolades for good performance or your beautiful appearance...all of these return null and void after time, I know. Yet, for the time being, you're still ensnared in this toxic hamster wheel of sorts...running and running and running a race with no end and no prize.
Your foundations of life have been undermined, Sweet Girl...what can Dad and I do (Ps. 11:3)? God's judgments are currently beyond your understanding (Ps.10:5). Your mouth is full of cursing, deception, and oppression (Ps. 10:7). You are only focused on your selfish desires right now and are in complete turmoil over all of the freedom you once had that we've taken away (you simply weren't ready for it) (Ps. 10:3). While you are 90% wonderful, you're still 10% flesh and 100% battling its desires.
Although it is clear you are growing to love us, you still aren't ready to throw all of your eggs in our family's basket. We know you have secrets. Deep secrets. Maybe even dark ones. We know that you're being tempted to walk backwards instead of forward into this Promised Land with us, and that it isn't easy to let go of old habits. Yet, you share none of it. Of all the difficulties we've faced during this transition thus far, not being able to have real conversations with you has been the hardest for me, bar none. In the small ways I can, I've been trying to communicate that Dad and I want to know the real you...whoever that is. That we will love you, no matter what. That we aren't looking for a perfect daughter, just the you that God gave us. What I haven't been able to say is that your attempts to manipulate situations with your charming smile and outwardly good behavior aren't fooling us--we see it all for what it is: just a mask that you're hiding behind. No doubt, the struggle to turn your nose up and say that we don't care and "God doesn't care" and that "He has hidden His Face" and "will never see [the truth you think you've been hiding so well]" is there. But He does see, Lucy, and so do we. He has taken note of all of your trouble and grief (Ps. 10:14). Not to condemn you, as the world might have you believe...but to free you. He alone is the helper of orphans and will punish this wickedness until there is no more (Ps. 10:15).
Dad and I can do nothing to regain that lost time and those formative years with you. But we wholly entrust our family to God Who can do anything. It has become abundantly clear that we are only to follow with enough space behind Him, "so that [we] will know which way to go because [we] have not gone this way before" (Josh. 3:4). We are about to step into the water of our Jordan, but only to stand and watch the Lord's promise as He goes ahead of us. The current of your pain and past won't overcome us--He will stop its raging flow, causing it to stand up like a dam around us for His glory.
We will cross into this Promised Land together "on dry ground" (Josh. 3:13-17).
