"We have all been sinned against. We all sin. You have failed to love me as you should and I have failed to love you. Your failure to love me is painful, sometimes profoundly disappointing. But the Lord's love for me is perfect. Although His love does not remove the sting of your failure, it gives me all I need to stand as a whole person, capable of loving you regardless of the threat of your further failure.
And that is my responsibility: to love you. My love for you (not yours for me) determines in large measure my experience of joy and my sense of intactness. I can love because I am loved perfectly and fully by God. And my love for you matters. It can draw you to Christ; it gives my life power and value in His plan; it brings glory to God. And, as I falteringly learn to love you without self-protection, I edge toward the longed-for reality of abundant living." -Larry Crabb, Inside Out, p.201
Our God wastes no time. I have been all over the place emotionally this past year: scared, hurt, hopeful, disappointed, angry, bitter, depressed. And because I have been consumed mainly with your offenses against us, I've only succeeded at protecting myself and have completely failed at truly loving you as Jesus does. I am so sorry, Loo. I am sorry for allowing my hurt and my fear and my disappointment in your behavior and actions to dictate the measure by which I give you what you desperately crave. I am sorry that I have been prioritizing our protection from any further disappointment or hurt instead of His will for our role in your life. I am sorry that I haven't been an effective example of surrendering to and satisfaction with His Perfect Love that casts out all fear.
I was reading in the Book of Jeremiah this morning and His Spirit spoke loud and clear to my heart:
"You have not humbled yourselves even to this day. You haven't feared me or lived your lives by my teachings or by my decrees..." (44:10). Those same Jews left in Judah that I mentioned in my last post to you, who deceived themselves and prayed arrogant prayers, they also decided to abandon God and worship false gods because from their perspective, when they did they "had plenty to eat then, and [they] lived comfortably and saw no disaster" (44:16-17). But the Lord made it clear that their sense of security was false and their worship misplaced. Their fear shouldn't have been of war and famine, it should have been of Him. He would surely bring disaster and destruction on them because of their blatant disobedience and choice to worship the wrong gods.
We have been guilty of the same. We have been worshipping our sense of security and our pride, making every effort to protect ourselves rather than serving God and loving you, good or bad. We have been so foolish to believe that keeping a safe distance from you will guard us from any more hurt or disappointment or trouble. Yet, the reality is we've been placing ourselves right outside of God's will and protection and smack dab in the crosshairs of the enemy fire we've been hoping to avoid! When we walk contrary to God's will for our lives, we're bound to get hurt. And doing so for the past year has caused me, in particular, to be wounded almost to the point of absolute defeat.
Once again, praise Jesus! I will not be overcome <3
I'm not sure what loving you now looks like practically-speaking. But I do know it will no longer be based on your response or treatment of our family; instead, it must become a direct reflection of His love for us all...without fear. Without demand. Without expectation or selfishness. And with true and total abandon.
And that is my responsibility: to love you. My love for you (not yours for me) determines in large measure my experience of joy and my sense of intactness. I can love because I am loved perfectly and fully by God. And my love for you matters. It can draw you to Christ; it gives my life power and value in His plan; it brings glory to God. And, as I falteringly learn to love you without self-protection, I edge toward the longed-for reality of abundant living." -Larry Crabb, Inside Out, p.201
Our God wastes no time. I have been all over the place emotionally this past year: scared, hurt, hopeful, disappointed, angry, bitter, depressed. And because I have been consumed mainly with your offenses against us, I've only succeeded at protecting myself and have completely failed at truly loving you as Jesus does. I am so sorry, Loo. I am sorry for allowing my hurt and my fear and my disappointment in your behavior and actions to dictate the measure by which I give you what you desperately crave. I am sorry that I have been prioritizing our protection from any further disappointment or hurt instead of His will for our role in your life. I am sorry that I haven't been an effective example of surrendering to and satisfaction with His Perfect Love that casts out all fear.
I was reading in the Book of Jeremiah this morning and His Spirit spoke loud and clear to my heart:
"You have not humbled yourselves even to this day. You haven't feared me or lived your lives by my teachings or by my decrees..." (44:10). Those same Jews left in Judah that I mentioned in my last post to you, who deceived themselves and prayed arrogant prayers, they also decided to abandon God and worship false gods because from their perspective, when they did they "had plenty to eat then, and [they] lived comfortably and saw no disaster" (44:16-17). But the Lord made it clear that their sense of security was false and their worship misplaced. Their fear shouldn't have been of war and famine, it should have been of Him. He would surely bring disaster and destruction on them because of their blatant disobedience and choice to worship the wrong gods.
We have been guilty of the same. We have been worshipping our sense of security and our pride, making every effort to protect ourselves rather than serving God and loving you, good or bad. We have been so foolish to believe that keeping a safe distance from you will guard us from any more hurt or disappointment or trouble. Yet, the reality is we've been placing ourselves right outside of God's will and protection and smack dab in the crosshairs of the enemy fire we've been hoping to avoid! When we walk contrary to God's will for our lives, we're bound to get hurt. And doing so for the past year has caused me, in particular, to be wounded almost to the point of absolute defeat.
Once again, praise Jesus! I will not be overcome <3
I'm not sure what loving you now looks like practically-speaking. But I do know it will no longer be based on your response or treatment of our family; instead, it must become a direct reflection of His love for us all...without fear. Without demand. Without expectation or selfishness. And with true and total abandon.
