I saw this sticker today and smiled thinking of you and how you will hopefully get to say this someday :)  Right now, in this very moment, you've felt frustrated that the door was shut on staying with the Housers, then on going home with the Walles.  And even after you discovered that it was all because we were pursuing you, you've expressed lots of impatience and insecurity because, understandably, it's difficult to grasp the intensity of the process or this love that complete strangers feel for you.  But all the while, our God-of-the-Angel-Armies has been leveling mountains for you!  He's re-directing your steps not to harm you, but to "prosper you, to give you hope and plans for a future" (Jer. 29:11).

It's so humbling to watch--to be given a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father must experience so often with all of His children…frustrated, impatient, insecure when things don't go the way we think they should; meanwhile, He's chuckling to Himself as He knows just how excited we're going to be when we arrive at "better".

USCIS has mailed their response to our adoption request--"better" could be just a few more weeks away!!  Tether yourself to His big picture, Luda…we're coming!!!

We Dedicate This Song...

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”


Who will love me for me
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means


Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…


Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means


He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”


I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you

Not for what I have done or what I will become


-JJ Heller

A Body Divided...

Crazy how quickly we can go from feeling on top of the world to down in the dumps in just days!  Even more crazy…what I was raving about just a few days ago is, ironically, the cause of the downward spiral this time…. 

So many people want to be involved in bringing you home, and every single one of them have great ideas and abilities that our desire is obviously for all to somehow be involved!  Because the same Spirit equips these friends and the same Lord is served, who am I to dictate any detail?  In my opinion, this isn’t my story…it’s His and yours.  And the more people God would use to play a role in it, the merrier! Unfortunately, this is also prime territory for our enemy to wreak divisive havoc.  

I've gradually become more and more consumed with worry over relationships being strained, toes being stepped on, and loved ones feeling unappreciated as we all navigate uniting the myriad of gifts. Regrettably, I haven't been clear about the only expectation that matters and have understandably caused much confusion.  Yes, I’ve been longing to celebrate the victories with others, but how the celebration plays out matters not.  Yes, I find it so absolutely amazing that hearts have been stirred to help us fundraise, but there is no particular way in which I’ve envisioned that it must be done.  Yes, I dream of you having a beautiful room full of special touches and put together with love, but I’m not worried about it being something I designed, or how the special touches are found, or that it all looks perfect.  As you can likely imagine, these loose ends are exactly why I praise Him for those friends He’s called to help.  The people He has chosen in-coincidentally require a method for the madness.  We can finally rest assured that something will be accomplished!!  He's provided us with a specific, seemingly handpicked group of people whom we love, admire, and can trust to lead us safely to "Z"!

I don’t want anyone to miss the forest for the trees.  A mind-blowing testimony is beginning to unfold, and the Lord is welcoming all of us to set the stage!!!  I’m praying that our yielding to His dispersal of work won't be seen as indecisiveness that only frustrates those willing to serve, but rather as a decision in itself. We want to make room for as many others as possible, aside from our family, to leave their footprint…to experience the same overwhelming joy that comes from the outpouring of His Spirit. The parties can flop, the fundraisers may fail, and/or the room might turn out to be a hot mess, but you will know without any shadow of a doubt that you are loved. And, I pray, so will they.  "See how good and pleasant it is when brothers and sisters live together in harmony!" (Psalm 133:1)  We long for peace and unity so all will know we are His disciples because of our love for each other (John 13:35).  Then, even more glory will rightfully be given to God <3

"Hold fast that which you have, and let no one take your crown.  Let no one hinder you in pursuit of the reward.  Let nothing stand in the way of your complete victory.  Let no weariness or discouraging thought cause you to loosen the rope of faith…. Emmanuel!  God with us--God in us--God in me! God in you! Praise His wonderful Name!  For this He made us.  For this He destined us!  For this He predestinated us!  For this He died and rose.  For this He sent that first mighty outpouring…." -p.143-144, Come Away My Beloved, Frances J. Roberts

The Great Dispatching

It's funny: when we started our adoption adventure, we unknowingly dove in with this large set of assumptions that the Lord has since been challenging and managing to debunk one by one.  The first was merely what age and gender was best for our family.  Then, by what means was best (foster-to-adopt, private, etc.).  When little Ike wisely challenged us to leave it up to God and just pray for Him to bring the right orphan to our doorstep, the next was deciding if we truly believed God could really work that way. He miraculously showed us that, yes, He can, in gifting us you! 

Gradually, we are being faced with wall after mounting wall of faith-building lessons and challenges.  This "ride" is certainly not for the faint.  Choosing to follow Jesus, Who seems to be leading us straight to you, has been anything but boring!  But of all that we've learned thus far about exactly Who God is and what He can do, the last few weeks have unquestionably comprised my favorite lesson.  

There is no way to sugarcoat this: adopting…a teenaged girl…internationally…requires a lot of which we have none of!  We have yet to raise a girl…or a teenager; we have never visited your country, much less many other countries aside from our own; we don't speak a lick of Russian; we can't possibly understand your culture or the shock you'll experience coming to ours; we live on a very tight budget with only one income; and, as silly as it sounds compared to everything else, I can't decorate or craft or put an outfit together to save my life…. The list of our weaknesses just goes on and on (sorry, you're stuck).  But that's just it.  God only asked for our obedience.  Since, it's as if He has been dispatching one believer after another to act alongside us on your behalf.  I've been fervently pleading for His Holy Spirit to stir hearts to help bring you home, and every day this month has brought with it a surprise that answers every facet of that prayer!!!  Friends have passionately volunteered to coordinate showers and fundraisers; strangers have been led to donate financially; acquaintances have been placed in the perfect place at the perfect time, sharing with us experiences that have better equipped us for the obstacles you might face.  It's all been nothing short of incredible, as usual!!!  And it all has reminded your Dad and I that we are just two parts of His church Body.  It was never the Lord's intent that we know it all, have it all together, or be equipped to do it all:  

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work." -1 Co. 12:4-6


His network is limitless--far beyond our circle of family and friends...far beyond our community even!!  His will is that as many of His children as possible get to ride this "party train", as He came to testify so all would come to know and believe that He is God (John 1:7).  We remain so humbled that He would choose us; that He would go to the very back of the line to trust our family with such "front lines" sort of work!  I pray that many will see us exactly as we are: lackluster and lame. I want there to be no doubt left in anyone's mind that every success we encounter is nothing short of a divine miracle; I pray that all involved, but especially you, will see God and know that He, indeed, is real!!

The Ebb in our Flow

"Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." -Jonatan Martensson (as quoted by Joyce Meyer in her book, Living Beyond Your Feelings)

Well.  We got our answer regarding your friend.  Swiftly, I might add.  Shortly after writing you, I really felt it would be a kind gesture to message "I" and encourage her.  After all, you love her and have been concerned for her…maybe she would benefit from learning that our family surrounds her in prayer, too…and you would benefit from knowing that whoever is important to you is equally as important to us.  

I was right and wrong.

"I" was undoubtedly grateful for the extension of care, but you DEFINITELY were not!  I instantly regretted my decision upon reading your messages to me yesterday.  You were deeply hurt and responding venomously.  It seemed everything we had built up to this point was instantly shattered.  Initially, I was flabbergasted.  How could you assume that my writing your friend and simply expressing that we are praying for God to take care of her means that I like her better than you…that we're going to change our minds "on the fly" and choose her instead, and that we would be far better off because she is so much more like me than you?!  

Thank God for the written word.  For once, I praised Him for the oceans between us.  I was able to take a step back in my perspective and see the glimmer of a dynamic we will undoubtedly experience together once you've come home.  These were not the rational words of a healthy child.  These were the words of a hurting child.  A precious little girl who has suffered so much loss and rejection; so much back and forth that she's incapable of trusting all the good that Jesus is pouring out for her.  

Know this, Sweet Daughter: absolutely nothing will separate you from His love (Romans 8:38-39).  Nor ours.  You may feel hard-pressed on every side, but you won't be crushed; you might feel persecuted, but God promises that you will not be abandoned; you likely feel struck down, but He will not allow you to be destroyed (2 Co. 4:8-12).  Yes, you belong to us.  But more importantly, you belong to Him.  And He is not letting go.  We're praying that we all choose His truth over our feelings!!  

Love you!!

Unsolved Mystery

God's riches, wisdom, and knowledge are so deep that it is impossible to explain his decisions or to understand his ways. -Romans 11:33 (GWT)

Strange happenings are stirring about.  Two months ago, I expressed my concern for this precious girl often pictured with you, wondering aloud if she had a family waiting for her.  I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was about her in particular that tugged at my heart, but the tug was specifically tied to this one friend and utterly undeniable.  Dad and I discussed the possibility that maybe our Lord was nudging us to consider bringing her home as well--just how cool would it be for you both to discover that your sisterhood was no longer coming to an end, but instead would be guaranteed for life?!  I mean, wow! ...Our agency did suggest, after all, that we go ahead and request the adoption of two children just in case….  We would take your whole house with us if God was behind it!

We sort of left the idea to simmer, as we've been so consumed with the process regardless.  But just a few weeks ago, you pointedly asked Dad if we, or someone in Texas, would host this special friend of yours.  Having no idea of the conversations we had been having already, your question definitely re-opened the need to more intentionally seek God and His will about all of this.  It is apparent that she is important to you, Sweet girl <3  And that has already heightened our awareness of her.

Proverbs 20:24 (HCSB) clearly tells us that, "A man's steps are directed by the LORD; how then can anyone understand his own way?" Just when we think we have everything figured out, He throws in more surprises to keep us on our toes!  With Him guiding the tour, we're experiencing plenty of adventure--I can't wait to see what's around this bend!!

Love you,
Mom

Mountains and Molehills

The situation in your country has been intense, girl.  We've been reading stories daily about the political tension.  Just recently, the rain officially poured down on our parade when we read that all adoptions in Crimea ceased immediately upon Russia's seizure of the region!  Families that were there to pick up the children they long awaited to bring home were sent back to America without any remorse or hope of reconciliation!  It is simply unimaginable.  How heartbroken we would be, coming this far with you and experiencing God in this way, for it only to end so abruptly.  It really made us think: are we wholly committed to carrying out His will?  Even if it might mean having to praise Him if our ending isn't "and they lived happily ever after?"

Before we even had the chance to wrap our minds around the fear of all the new "what ifs", the Lord showed up like a White Knight in Shining Armor and moved yet another mountain!  We received a call from our agency: the home study was completed, approved, and overnighted to INS.  Because of the turmoil in the Ukraine, all adoption requests are being expedited!  Rather than August, we're now being told to plan for June to travel there and bring you home!!!  Our prayers for the powers-that-be to feel a sense of urgency were answered!  We get to see you months sooner than we had planned, and hopefully get you out of the country safely before they can tell us "no"!

And that's not even the end of the miracles He performed for us this week!  There are so many significant and thoughtful ideas that our creative friends have shared with us that I long to make happen for you.  The ideas were originally to help us raise money, but more importantly, they would give you a visual of just how many people truly love you and care about your future!!  One of the ideas was to create a prayer quilt--a quilt made up of pieces that people have handwritten prayers on, or crafted, or embroidered, etc.  This was quite possibly the coolest idea, but I was concerned that it just wasn't feasible to execute before you came.  I spoke with a girlfriend about it Friday morning, trying to devise a plan of action, but still felt my expectations were too unrealistic.  Friday afternoon, I hear my cell  ringing while I was in the shower.
     *Three things you must know about me first to grasp how truly miraculous this event was: 1) I never  
     answer my phone; 2) The ringer is almost always left on silent; hence, I never hear it ringing to
     answer it; and 3) Stopping my shower to answer the cell phone? …see 1 & 2.
Like that feeling you get when the phone rings in the middle of the night, I have this sudden concern wash over me (no pun intended) and feel the urge to at least see who's calling.  I jump out of the shower, clumsily dry myself off, then hop to look at the phone.  The number was unfamiliar.
     *One more thing you need to know: 4) I never answer the phone when I don't know the number.
I answer it.  "Heidi?" "Yes?" "This is Katie from Glen Meadows, I'm not sure if you know me…" "Yes, of course, Katie! How are you?" "I'm great! I heard you're adopting a girl here pretty soon, and am part of the quilter's club at the church.  We were talking about you all and were wondering if we could bless her with a quilt?"

No joke.

Isn't this incredible?!  I was instantly convinced that our God isn't just a God of Mountains…but of Molehills, too.  And they are just as important to Him as they are to us!  Once again, it has been confirmed to us that He adores you and yearns for that to be confirmed to you!!! We are so excited to see what else He's got up His Sleeve….  In the meantime, I look forward to reading all of the prayers our family and friends write over you <3

1 Thess. 3:9 (NIV)