Last night, you ventured where all teens dare to: choosing to tiptoe across those lines you find so unreasonable and outrageous. This forcing us to venture where all parents of teens hate to go: onto your hit list.
We didn't correct you out of anger, but from a spirit of playfulness attempting to remind you gently that you crossed a boundary. I swiped the phone from your hands and hid it, eventually changing the password so you couldn't access it after much pleading on your part (throughout the entirety of our meal), to give it back. I never intended to keep it away from you forever, just for the duration of dinner; however, the split pea soup that nearly spat out of your spinning head after you discovered I changed the password was cause for concern...and, unfortunately for all of us, further correction. More English words poured out of your mouth than ever as you ranted that we've taken away VK, then Skype (again, your perspective...we just had to ask you to get off one time because you had talked for $15 worth and we were running out of minutes and money), "NOW Facebook!"
At that point, we had to take away the phone for the rest of the evening, as your anger and attitude towards us kept us from even being allowed to explain our motives or concerns. You tore off into the night, beating us back to the apartment by minutes.
Thank God, we didn't go to bed angry last night...everything seemed to be smoothed over by then...
Until this morning.
After more eye rolling and dismissive behavior from you, I lost my cool. All of this time I've managed to lose it privately, but this time my lack of cool was on display for the world to see. This time, I related WHOLEHEARTEDLY to the Pinterest sticker that claims "Raising teenagers is like being pecked to death by chickens".
What on earth was God thinking?! Didn't He know ahead of time that I was far too immature to help you mature????!
Slamming the door, and ashamedly acting no better than a teenager myself, I left you to have a very honest talk with God in the bedroom. I asked Him these things, regarding what He was thinking...what His Plan was...how would you ever see how deeply He loves you and how Dad and I love you...how you would ever come to recognize all that He has done on your behalf and the gifts He has been showering you with when you couldn't get past the three simplest things we said you couldn't have. "No VK. No unlimited access to Facebook or Skype." This is all you can see?? The molehills?? What about all of the mountains He's miraculously moved for you?! Your shortsightedness pains me.
I questioned if I was equipped for this task again. And He revealed so much of Himself...again.
How our Father in Heaven must feel every time we miss the forest He's given us for the trees He's had to cut down.
My getting wrapped up in the heat of the moment, in my disdain for your flippant and disrespectful behavior, was being no less shortsighted than you. Yes, it was a difficult night and morning. No, it is no fun putting our foot down and saying no to you about anything. For us OR you! But neither is it fun for God. And how many tantrums have I been known to throw when I haven't gotten my way with Him?! Just like our "no"'s are intended for your own good, and the good of our entire family, His "no"'s are the same for His children. And just like there are so many blessings to this process that you've been overlooking, so did I in my fury this morning.
I praise God for these humbling moments. For His faithfulness to heal and restore that which is broken into something even more sturdy than before. He did just that already. You came into the room only minutes after I finished my praying and weeping, apologizing so maturely for how you have behaved toward us. It was such a beautiful moment as I, too, apologized and we embraced...healing tears streaming down both of our faces.
More storms are sure to roll in...more destruction is inevitable...but these aren't moments to grieve or regret. He'll use even these to prune those parts of us that would prevent our family from flourishing. I love Him!! And I love you <3
Mama
"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch
that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:2 (NIV)
