Be Brave

Isaiah 31GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

The Lord, Not the Egyptians, Will Protect His People from Assyria

    How horrible it will be for those
    who go to Egypt for help,
    who rely on horses,
    who depend on many chariots,
    who depend on very strong war horses.
        They don’t look to the Holy One of Israel.
        They don’t seek the Lord.
2             He is wise and can bring about disaster.
            He doesn’t take back his words.
            He rises against wicked people
                and against those who help troublemakers.
3 The Egyptians are humans, not gods.
    Their horses are flesh and blood, not spirit.
When the Lord uses his powerful hand,
    the one who gives help will stumble,
        and the one who receives help will fall.
            Both will die together.

4 This is what the Lord said to me:

A lion, even a young lion, growls over its prey
    when a crowd of shepherds is called to fight it.
        It isn’t frightened by their voices
            or disturbed by the noise they make.
So the Lord of Armies will come to fight for
    Mount Zion and its hill.
5 The Lord of Armies will defend Jerusalem like a hovering bird.
    He will defend it and rescue it.
    He will pass over it and protect it.
6 You people of Israel, return to the one
    whom you have so violently rebelled against.
7 When that day comes, all of you will reject
    the silver and gold idols
        that your sinful hands have made.
8 Then Assyrians will be killed with swords not made by human hands.
    Swords not made by human hands will destroy them.
They will flee from battle,
    and their young men will be made to do forced labor.
9 In terror they will run to their stronghold,[a]
    and their officers will be frightened at the sight of the battle flag.

The Lord declares this. His fire is in Zion and his furnace is in Jerusalem.

We have done so much wrong.  We have caused the other to hurt so deeply, however intentional or unintentionally.  Dad and I always considered your past wounds, but had no idea how to navigate them.  I took so much of your behavior towards me, in particular, too personally. Rather than faulting the patterns of the past you spent 16 years living and recognizing your rejection for what it really was (fear of getting too close to the one relationship you genuinely crave...a mother...), I focused my energy on the behavior itself and making sense of "why me".  And I kick myself as I replay hindsight and realize only now that you were mistaking my frustration as though I didn't really love you or desire a relationship with you.  This crushes me.

But perhaps the biggest mistake we have both made, Lucy, is that we've relied way too much on people and systems to defeat and redeem a situation that only God's Powerful Hand can.  And while these people and systems are still trying to help you, they will stumble.  They will come up short.  I pray without ceasing that you won't fall with them.

Whether you choose to return to our family or not, Sweet Girl, I plead for you to return to God.  He is the One you have offended. He is the One Who brought you out of Ukraine and gave you this new life that you walked away from because it was uncomfortable...because it challenged you to face all of the sore spots within you.  He is the One Who is trying to restore your broken heart...and only He can.  Having a mother and a father and people to call "family" are certainly important, but we are still just flesh and blood.  Seeking wise counsel from a trained professional certainly is helpful, but the counselor is still just flesh and blood.  The attention and affection from an attractive boy is a wonderful feeling, but he is still just flesh and blood.  Houses, cars, education, money, beauty...it's all a blessing to have, but it's just material and completely incapable of wholly distracting any of us from the aches in our souls.  

You can flit from family to family, place to place, in search of the right fit...but you would only be perpetuating the very cycle that you're longing to escape from.  You want a new life, I know.  You want a change, of course.  But clearly there hasn't been a lack of new doors or opportunities to change.  God has been so gracious in providing so much of this for you.  However, if you want to open a new door, to write a new chapter for your life, it is you that's in your way.  You will have to choose at some point to walk away from the old doors, the old ways that are easy, that are comfortable, that you continue to rely on and go back to.  If you continue to writhe under rules intended to protect you and fight for your freedom no matter the cost...you'll always feel unprotected.  If you continue to run from and betray people who prove that they're invested in you and care deeply for you simply because you are uncomfortable and afraid to get too invested yourself for fear of being rejected...you'll always end up alone and on your own.  If your focus remains on material wealth and beauty and status in this world, that's all you'll attain--and you'll always have that emptiness inside you that can't be fulfilled.  

Jesus has never left you, Loo.  He has always been present for every moment of your life "like a hovering bird".  He will defend you.  He will rescue you.  He will pass over us and protect us.  Be brave.  Return to Him and reject all of these other things and ways of operating that you have been looking to instead of Him to fill those empty places inside of you. He will guide you through the unknown.  He will help you through the discomfort and ease your fears along the way. 

And always remember: the enemy wants you stymied.  He wants you to believe that every situation is hopeless; that this is how your life will always be; that no one loves you; that you have to look out for yourself because no one else will.  Choose Jesus and His will and He'll show you what a load of lies those beliefs are--forget all of us trying to convince you.  He has a whole new world waiting for you, Child.  Please, in Jesus' Name, be brave.

I love you always,

Mom