My head has chosen long ago to forgive you, but my heart is clearly still catching up. Any time I make progress or a declaration of faith...BAM. Something new happens that threatens my breakthrough. I can almost hear a teacher making the announcement in my thoughts, "This week, class, we'll be focusing on coping with your addiction to approval...
...via the brutal slaying of your reputation and character."
A friend of ours shared with me the latest of Rose Family rumors that was rashly shared with her by a shelter volunteer that works directly with you (small towns). Apparently, you were adopted and horribly mistreated by your family (aka. us)...the details too personal to share, but your story is "such a sad and unfortunate one".
Come. On. Lucy.
Really?!
Aside from the frustration I feel towards the shelter, still buying what you're selling (and now selling what you're selling) regardless of all of the back history about you and us that we openly shared from the beginning of our journey until now...and the "All-Clear" we received from the Police, CPS, and the Department of Homeland Security for crying out loud...I have never been so offended in my life. Our family isn't perfect. We made and continue to make mistakes that we regret. We're human. I did lose my temper with you. Dad maybe did go a bit overboard on rules to protect you. We certainly weren't experts on the ins and outs of international adoptions, or teenagers for that matter, and definitely could have sought out more information and support. But the moment we met you, Lucy, you were immediately sealed as 100% daughter in our hearts and minds. We did nothing but love you the best way we knew how. Yet, you remain bent on making us out to be monsters.... It's like ripping our hearts out of our chests wasn't enough...you need to stomp on them now, too.
It has been the most difficult to bite my tongue. I want nothing more than to defend our honor, to continue to prove again and again the purity of our motives. I want those working with you to see the whole picture and not just for our benefit, but for yours! There are so many holes in your story as is...you no doubt need help coping with something. Genuine healing will just continue to be delayed because of all of the smoke and mirrors you've learned to hide behind! And I am so over-the-top dismayed that you've now twisted our story together into just another stumbling block! God delivered you in the most miraculous way from a life that was without much hope at all, and rather than running with that beginning into a happily ever after...you have chosen to throw it all away and start anew...in one of the most hopeless places here...??!
It's no wonder people question our integrity.
I'd question it, too!
It's almost easier for us to believe that we were awful than to accept that you would be so foolish!!
Ugh. I just want to be free of this insanity.
But regardless of what you think, what they think, what we think...we have to hold on to the fact that God knows it all. Only He's been present every minute. Only He saw every wound you actually took and every wound you've given. He can even see past the red we're struggling to, past the frustration, past the resentment, and into the reality buried beneath it all that Dad and I ultimately still want healing for you, Child.
I am tired. I am downright worn out thinking about it all. I do wish some days that we could go back to B.L. on our timeline. But tough ta-hoots for me. Just as though you were biologically ours, I accept that we will never be free of the responsibility God has given us to love you and to pray for you no matter the circumstances. That's a miracle in itself, really--that God has imprinted you on our hearts this way, painful as it is right now.
It's solely HIS responsibility to deliver you, however, and He has already planned exactly how. For this reason, I will press on with praise, surrendered and grateful yet again. He will reveal the truth in His Perfect Timing and restore your broken heart. ...And our reputation.
Again for this lesson: I just need to let go and let God. I need to BELIEVE.
Faith as small as a mustard seed...that's all I've got left...
and that's all it takes according to Jesus <3
Cheers to Striving for an Ephesians 4 Life
...via the brutal slaying of your reputation and character."
A friend of ours shared with me the latest of Rose Family rumors that was rashly shared with her by a shelter volunteer that works directly with you (small towns). Apparently, you were adopted and horribly mistreated by your family (aka. us)...the details too personal to share, but your story is "such a sad and unfortunate one".
Come. On. Lucy.
Really?!
Aside from the frustration I feel towards the shelter, still buying what you're selling (and now selling what you're selling) regardless of all of the back history about you and us that we openly shared from the beginning of our journey until now...and the "All-Clear" we received from the Police, CPS, and the Department of Homeland Security for crying out loud...I have never been so offended in my life. Our family isn't perfect. We made and continue to make mistakes that we regret. We're human. I did lose my temper with you. Dad maybe did go a bit overboard on rules to protect you. We certainly weren't experts on the ins and outs of international adoptions, or teenagers for that matter, and definitely could have sought out more information and support. But the moment we met you, Lucy, you were immediately sealed as 100% daughter in our hearts and minds. We did nothing but love you the best way we knew how. Yet, you remain bent on making us out to be monsters.... It's like ripping our hearts out of our chests wasn't enough...you need to stomp on them now, too.
It has been the most difficult to bite my tongue. I want nothing more than to defend our honor, to continue to prove again and again the purity of our motives. I want those working with you to see the whole picture and not just for our benefit, but for yours! There are so many holes in your story as is...you no doubt need help coping with something. Genuine healing will just continue to be delayed because of all of the smoke and mirrors you've learned to hide behind! And I am so over-the-top dismayed that you've now twisted our story together into just another stumbling block! God delivered you in the most miraculous way from a life that was without much hope at all, and rather than running with that beginning into a happily ever after...you have chosen to throw it all away and start anew...in one of the most hopeless places here...??!
It's no wonder people question our integrity.
I'd question it, too!
It's almost easier for us to believe that we were awful than to accept that you would be so foolish!!
Ugh. I just want to be free of this insanity.
But regardless of what you think, what they think, what we think...we have to hold on to the fact that God knows it all. Only He's been present every minute. Only He saw every wound you actually took and every wound you've given. He can even see past the red we're struggling to, past the frustration, past the resentment, and into the reality buried beneath it all that Dad and I ultimately still want healing for you, Child.
I am tired. I am downright worn out thinking about it all. I do wish some days that we could go back to B.L. on our timeline. But tough ta-hoots for me. Just as though you were biologically ours, I accept that we will never be free of the responsibility God has given us to love you and to pray for you no matter the circumstances. That's a miracle in itself, really--that God has imprinted you on our hearts this way, painful as it is right now.
It's solely HIS responsibility to deliver you, however, and He has already planned exactly how. For this reason, I will press on with praise, surrendered and grateful yet again. He will reveal the truth in His Perfect Timing and restore your broken heart. ...And our reputation.
Again for this lesson: I just need to let go and let God. I need to BELIEVE.
Faith as small as a mustard seed...that's all I've got left...
and that's all it takes according to Jesus <3
Cheers to Striving for an Ephesians 4 Life
