Ugh. Ok. So apparently I've been writing about mysteries I cannot even begin to understand. The Book of Job has been the topic of discussion between God and I this week, and what another humbling lesson I've learned. Praise Him that we haven't faced the amount of destruction and testing Job had to, but to a very small degree we still can relate to the anguish he felt. Also, I (like Job) have spent so much time, energy, and breath trying to make sense of what's happened...trying to defend our good intentions and honest motives to everybody under the sun...trying to write and speak with wisdom and maintain our integrity. And the poor Lord, I know, has been trying again and again to get it through my thick skull and make it crystal clear that I don't need to do anything, that I can't do anything, that He and He alone is in control of the situation. But let's face it, girl: I didn't listen. What child does that?! Nope. Rather, I, the "Almighty Heidi" (read sarcasm) have been looking for answers, making claims, and holding onto outcomes publicly and to myself that I've based on the God I've come to know in my totally limited understanding.
Then I boo-hoo when they don't come to fruition.
<face-palm>
I'm worn out because I'm wearing myself out!
Here's the reality. I don't know everything. I wasn't there when God "laid the foundation of the earth"(Job 38:4). I haven't "made a channel for the flooding rains" or connected "the chains of the constellation[s]" (38:25, 31). I can't control lightning or the sea (38). So, honestly. Who am I "that belittles...advice [from the One Who does] with words that do not show any knowledge about it?" (38:2). Who am I to ever find fault with the Almighty God, to argue with Him, or wish to correct Him (40:2)? Like Job, "I'm so insignificant!!!"
And it's high time I "put my hand over my mouth" (40:4-5)
(That's obviously the godly way of saying, "SHUT UP").
The Book of Job has shown me so much: 1) That good or bad fortune in this world does not reflect our standing before God. Before satan tested him, Job was a decent man who did all he humanly could to honor God's will for his life and he still lost everything as though he was the most wicked. Like Job, I feel like we did all we could and still lost everything with you. Contrarily, pan to you who walked away from God's will and from us and, yet, you seem to be prospering. I want to be angry, but I can't be. Fact is, we have all fallen short of His glory (Rom. 3:23). There is no one better or worse in His eyes, you nor me. The rain falls and the sun shines on us all as He wills regardless of what we've done or haven't done. That's what is so great about God!! We all deserve death and hell and still, He grants us these tender mercies. I will be praying, however, that you don't mistake your getting what you want as a thumbs up from God regarding the poor choices you've made. I don't want you to suffer, Loo. But if suffering now means you'll be spared for eternity, then I pray His hand will be removed from you just long enough that the eyes of your heart will be opened to the eternity He's been trying to give you.
2) Because His worldly blessings are not contingent on our standing, following God...striving to be obedient to His will...doesn't always guarantee honor, blessings, and/or riches here on earth. As much as I want it sooner than later, I'm not guaranteed to witness the happily ever after I'm hoping for in this life. When we accepted Jesus and chose to follow Him, we didn't do it for our gain but for His glory. We do receive a life after this one without pain and full of joy, but Jesus does not equal the "Easy" button here. I'm only seeing now, through this mess, that living future-tense requires the sacrifice of everything in this life to find our eternity with Him (Matt. 16:25). No wonder the "road is narrow" (Matt. 7:13). This following Jesus stuff ain't for the faint of heart. What we do now only matters for...FOREVER...eek.
Lucy. Our God is a Redeemer. He is Mighty to save. For this reason, I will always hope for the best. But to totally surrender to His will, I must finally resign my own. I have to loosely hold out my hopes and dreams for you and us and accept however this story goes. It's His. You're His. I'm letting go. For reals this time. My character, my reputation, my everything on this earth may end up being completely crucified. But I'm not storing up treasures here and now where moths and rust can destroy them anyway...I need to be seeking rewards in Heaven that can be reaped FoReVeR (Matt. 6:19-21). That's my choice. However the here and now turns out. And I will never cease praying that you'll be there reaping them with me <3
Hoping our story ends as well as Job's eventually did, but am finally ok if it doesn't.
Love you, Sweet Girl.
Mom
Then I boo-hoo when they don't come to fruition.
<face-palm>
I'm worn out because I'm wearing myself out!
Here's the reality. I don't know everything. I wasn't there when God "laid the foundation of the earth"(Job 38:4). I haven't "made a channel for the flooding rains" or connected "the chains of the constellation[s]" (38:25, 31). I can't control lightning or the sea (38). So, honestly. Who am I "that belittles...advice [from the One Who does] with words that do not show any knowledge about it?" (38:2). Who am I to ever find fault with the Almighty God, to argue with Him, or wish to correct Him (40:2)? Like Job, "I'm so insignificant!!!"
And it's high time I "put my hand over my mouth" (40:4-5)
(That's obviously the godly way of saying, "SHUT UP").
The Book of Job has shown me so much: 1) That good or bad fortune in this world does not reflect our standing before God. Before satan tested him, Job was a decent man who did all he humanly could to honor God's will for his life and he still lost everything as though he was the most wicked. Like Job, I feel like we did all we could and still lost everything with you. Contrarily, pan to you who walked away from God's will and from us and, yet, you seem to be prospering. I want to be angry, but I can't be. Fact is, we have all fallen short of His glory (Rom. 3:23). There is no one better or worse in His eyes, you nor me. The rain falls and the sun shines on us all as He wills regardless of what we've done or haven't done. That's what is so great about God!! We all deserve death and hell and still, He grants us these tender mercies. I will be praying, however, that you don't mistake your getting what you want as a thumbs up from God regarding the poor choices you've made. I don't want you to suffer, Loo. But if suffering now means you'll be spared for eternity, then I pray His hand will be removed from you just long enough that the eyes of your heart will be opened to the eternity He's been trying to give you.
2) Because His worldly blessings are not contingent on our standing, following God...striving to be obedient to His will...doesn't always guarantee honor, blessings, and/or riches here on earth. As much as I want it sooner than later, I'm not guaranteed to witness the happily ever after I'm hoping for in this life. When we accepted Jesus and chose to follow Him, we didn't do it for our gain but for His glory. We do receive a life after this one without pain and full of joy, but Jesus does not equal the "Easy" button here. I'm only seeing now, through this mess, that living future-tense requires the sacrifice of everything in this life to find our eternity with Him (Matt. 16:25). No wonder the "road is narrow" (Matt. 7:13). This following Jesus stuff ain't for the faint of heart. What we do now only matters for...FOREVER...eek.
Lucy. Our God is a Redeemer. He is Mighty to save. For this reason, I will always hope for the best. But to totally surrender to His will, I must finally resign my own. I have to loosely hold out my hopes and dreams for you and us and accept however this story goes. It's His. You're His. I'm letting go. For reals this time. My character, my reputation, my everything on this earth may end up being completely crucified. But I'm not storing up treasures here and now where moths and rust can destroy them anyway...I need to be seeking rewards in Heaven that can be reaped FoReVeR (Matt. 6:19-21). That's my choice. However the here and now turns out. And I will never cease praying that you'll be there reaping them with me <3
Hoping our story ends as well as Job's eventually did, but am finally ok if it doesn't.
Love you, Sweet Girl.
Mom
